60.del :)

neko jutro sem se zbudila in vzela telefon. šla sem na twitter in tam sem imela sporočilo ( v zasebnem klepetu) od Fredota. začudila sem se in hitro pogledala.

Selly!

Selly! you need to answer me!

please, it's about Justin!! prej mu nisem mogla odgovoriti, ker sem še spala. ampak zdaj sem se močno prestrašila.

hey Fredo. what is it, tell me!:o

he's so sad. and exhausted. and when he doesen't sing he doesen't even want to talk to anybody..

oh God...is he gonna be alright?

I'm not sure. but it doesen't seems so..

can I do something? should I call him?

no.

then what?

come.   tukaj sem za nekaj časa nehala pisati. 

please. it's less than a month

I can't Fredo...

why?

please come. do you wish the best for him?

yeah, I do..

then come. because you're that best thing for him. if you come, I'll love you forever. actually I'll love you forever even if you stay in Canada because you are ours now. but you know what I mean.. 

yeah, I know what you mean, but..I.. I'm not sure..

he needs you. please. he's so miserable without you. he misses you so much. and I know you miss him too. and if you won't come, you two won't survive, I'm telling you. and me neither cause I don't want to se my bro sad. Selly, I'm begging you. come.

zdaj sem se odločila.

where are you guys?

ARE YOU COMING?

I don't know. maybe I'll change my stupid mind and I'll come.

OH MY BIEBER THANKS SELLY

you'll have to tell me where you are if you want me to come..

yeah, sure. we're driving to Spain. Justin will perform in Toledo(mesto v Španiji) tomorrow night. me and Scoot will buy you flying tickets and everything, you just have to come to the airport. then Pattie will wait for you at the Toledo airport and you two will come during a concert and when he finishes you'll surprise him, okay? it would be the best surpsrise ever. I'll only tell Pattie and Scoot that you're comming so he really won't know anything. so... is that okay?

yeah. I miss him. and I really want to come. that's great. thanks for everything Fredo.:)

no problem, really. thank you for comming. it would really mean a lot to all of us. 

I can't wait to see you guys. I really can't. 

you'll see us tonight. :) by the way, your flight is at 8 p.m. and you'll be in Spain in 4 hours.

sounds great to me. I'll just tell my dad and see you then. :)) oh gosshhhhh I can't wait :')

okay. I can't wait either. :)) now get ready for the flight:)*

okay. bye Fredo(:

byee Selly:))

potem sem odložila telefon. tekla sem v kuhinjo, kjer je oči že zajtrkoval.

''hey daaddyyyy!''

''oh, morning Selly.''

''dad? can I please, please, please go to Spain and stay with Justin and his crew till Christmas? please, please, please..''

''well... that's a big deal, Selly.. you would go to another country alone for the first time.. I don't know..''

''I swear I'll be okay. nothing will happen. I'll only be alone at the airport... then I'll be with Justin all the time and I'll come home with the bus..'' 

''sit here.'' usedla sem se, on pa si je popravil očala. postala sem žalostna, ker je kazalo, da ne bom smela iti. 

''I'll tell you so. you're old enaugh to make your own decisions. I just don't want that anything happens to you cause you know you and Sam are my everything. I know you'll decide right because there is no wrong decision in this case. but if you go please be careful. if somethig happens to you I swear I'll never forgive myself for letting you go..''

takrat sem se nasmehnila. 

''daddy. I swear nothing will happen. but please, please let me go. it would mean everything for me and Justin. Fredo said he is so miserable cause I'm not there. and I will come home at 25th of December so we'll celebrate Christmas together.''

''is that really what you want?''

''instead of my Christmas present?'' sem pokimala in se nasmehnila. takrat se je nasmehnil še on.

''then go sweetheart.'' 

''really?'' bila sem tako sreča, da se mi je skoraj vlila solza.

''of course.''

''thank you so so so much'' sem rekla in ga objela. 

''when is your flight?''

''at 8 p.m. I'm flying to Toledo in Spain..''

''oh that's such a beautiful town... you won't have snow there..'' 

''yeah... I can't wait to go there.''

''go and pack your things..'' je rekel in res sem šla. v eni uri sem spakirala tri kovčke. komaj sem vse kar sem hotela vzeti s sabo spravila notri, ampak je oči rekel, da so trije kovčki zvrhan dosti. poklicala sem Johnnyja.

''hey Johnny''

''hey Selly, what's up?''

''I'm going to Spain.''

''what? why?'' je vprašal presenečeno.

''I'll go to see Justin and the crew and I'll stay there.''

''oh Selly! I'm so happy for you! when are you back?''

''I'll be home for Christmas.'' 

''oh..okay..'' je rekel žalostno.

''I hope you'll have fun..but I'll miss you..''

''ahhh you won't... we can talk on phones'' sem ga potolažila. tako sva se vsaj pol ure pogovarjala. potem sem poklicala še Jade ampak se ni javila. najbrž je bila zasedena. potem sem šla nazaj na telefon, da bi videla če je Fredo še kaj napisal in imela sem prav.

so...you're comming, right?

I've already packed my things :)

oh it's such a relief to hear Justin's gonna be happy again..

but...Fredo?

yeah?

what if he doesen't want me to come?

what shit are you talking? why wouldn't he want you there with him? don't you watch concerts? he says ''goodnight Selly.'' every single night... believe me. he wants you to come. 

tukaj sem spet zajokala.

he says that... every night?

don't you watch him over youtube? hahaah :D

of course I do... but I only heard that once..

well he says it every night. 

:'(

and when he sang Be alright yesterday he stopped for a while and cried. and then he went and calm himself down and came back on stage.

oh my God, Fredo... I haven't watch yesterday's video but... did he really do this?:'c

go.. watch it yourself. but I'm serious. you have to come.

wait a sec, I'll just watch it. 

pogledala sem ga. Justin je bil tako žalosten, kot, kakor jaz vem še nikoli. res. na sredini Be alright je šel z odra in čez pol minute prišel nazaj. potem je odpel naslednjo pesem. ko sem ga gledala sem še sama zajokala. ko je bilo konec sem šla na twitter.

fuck it.

what?:oo

what if he hates me because I didn't go with him?

noo! Selly he understood why you didn't go with us. he didn't tell anyone but he said he understands you. please don't change your mind. :c

I won't. after what I saw and heard how he feels.. I'm comming tonight. 

good girl. thank you :)

no. thank you for telling me this. I love you Fredo. 

no problem. love you too. see you tonight:)

see you :)

ura je bila že 6 popoldne in nisem vedela kaj naj počnem še to urico. potem sem se odločila, da bom še malo brala knjigo. v kovček sem dala še dve knjigi iz iste zbirke, potem pa sem se počasi preoblekla. 
oči in Sam sta šla z mano in vsak od nas je nesel en kovček. kmalu je bila ura 7.45 p.m in počasi smo morali v letalo. zložili smo kovčke, poslovila sem se od očija in Sama, ju objela in potem šla na letalo. seveda sem se usedla zraven okna, da bi lahko ves čas gledala ven. pomahala sem očiju in Samu in jima poslala lupčka. Sam se je, čeprav ga nisem slišala, ampak sem razbrala iz njegovih ustnic, rekel ''have fun sis''. nasmehnila sem se. potem sta onadva šla, jaz pa sem se naslonila nazaj. kmalu smo se začeli vzpenjati. ko smo bili v zraku, je sonce ravno zahajalo in bilo je takooo lepo.. ves čas sem gledala ven. potem sem brala knjigo in jo prebrala do konca. telefonov na letalu ne smeš uporabljati, zato nisem mogla poslušati muzike :c vzela sem še drugo knjigo in prisežem, da so bile knjige iz te zbirke res najboljše knjige, ki sem jih kdaj brala. potem sem še malo gledala skozi okno in premišljevala o Justinu. kar naenkrat je stevardesa rekla, da se bomo začeli vzpenjati. začeli smo se pripravljati, da bi šli ven iz letala. ko smo bili že na tleh in so že odprli vrata, sta tam prva v vrsti čakala Pattie in Kenny. Pattie je bila takooo nasmejana, vesela je bila in mahala mi je. hitro sem stekla do nje in jo močno objela. 

''oh sweetie, I'm so happy that you're here'' je rekla in še vedno sva bili v objemu.

''me too. you can't imagine how.'' še bolj se je nasmehnila. potem sem skočila še na Kennyja. objela sem ga in on mene. 

''I'm happy to finally meet you''

''me too..'' potem smo šli po kovčke. Kenny je vse tri zložil v limuzino in vsi smo se usedli vanjo in se odpeljali do mesta, kjer je imel Justin koncert. Pattie je sedela zraven mene in zdaj je izgledala žalostna.

''what's wrong, Pattie?''

''nothing.. it's just...Justin is so miserable and sad all the time and he looks really tired.. thanks for comming Selly, that will lift him up..''
nasmehnila sem se ji in ona se je meni. končno smo prišli. začela sem teči noter in zaletela sem se v Fredota. ko sem se zavedla, da je on sem ga tako močno objela, da je že mene zabolelo. 

''Selly!! oh God, you're here!'' je rekel in mi vrnil objem. 

''I'm so happy to be here. thanks for convincing me Fredo.'' 

''thank you for comming. it's really great to see you. and you really are that pretty as Justin said..'' je rekel.

''thank you'' sem rekla in se nasmehnila. tudi on se je meni. potem smo šli v zaodrje in tam se končno spoznala še Scooterja. tudi njega sem objela in ga ''spoznala''. bila sem tako vesela, da se mi je spet ulila solza. kaj bo šele, ko bom videla Justina... zdaj je ravno pel One less lonely girl. zapel jo je tako lepo, da sem spet zajokala. sploh si nisem mogla pomagati. tako je odpel še zadnjih par pesmi in končno končal. v trebuhu sem začutila tisti občutek *omg, zdaj bo*, ko te vse začne zvijati. 

''Thank you Spain! night Selly.'' spet sem začutila solze, a sem jih hitro obrisala, saj nisem hotela solz pokazati Justinu. ali pač. o moj Bog. spet sem ga videla. skrivala sem se za neko škatlo in izza odra je prišel ves žalosten in utrujen. 

vsi so se obnašali, kot da ne bi bilo nič in 'normalno' naj bi se šel preobleči. jaz naj bi počakala, da je prišel do garderobe, a ko sem ga videla v takem stanju kot je bil, si nisem mogla pomagati. skočila sem pred njega. začela sem jokati, kot če bi bila še vedno samo Belieberka in bi končno prišla do M&G-ta. 

''Selly?'' je začudeno vprašal. v joku sem mu pokimala. dobesedno sva se zaletela drug v drugega in se objela. potem je začel še on jokati. 

''I missed you so much'' je naglas jokal. ne, ne da bi skrival, zares je jokal. tako, da so ga lahko vsi slišali. 

''I missed you too. I missed you so so much'' sem rekla in lahko bi se opisala tako, kot sem v zadnjem stavku opisala Justina. tudi, če bi se hotela spustiti, se nisva mogla. objemala sva se najmanj 5 minut skupaj. potem me je s solznimi očmi pogledal, se nasmehnil in me pobožal po laseh.

''how are you, are you okay?'' se je še vedno v joku zasmejal.  

''I'm okay, you?'' 

''yeah, I am okay now. but I wasn't before. not even close to okay.'' je rekel in mi spet v joku naslonil glavo na ramo. roko sem mu položila na lase in ga pobožala. 

''I love you.'' sem zahlipala in ga pogledala. 

''I love you too.'' še sva bila tako in potem je rekel:

''don't you dare ever leave me alone again.'' zasmejala sem se.

''I won't.'' potem je dvignil glavo in me pogledal. obrisal mi je solze in se zasmejal. potem jih je obrisal še sebi. prišla sem mu še bližje in ga poljubila. končno. spet tisti občutek, ko imaš najljubšo osebo spet ob sebi. trajalo dolgo, ni se hotel odmakniti. ko sva končala, je rekel.

''i missed that so fucking much.'' nasmehnila sem se mu. 

''you'll tell me everything in bus, okay?'' 

''okay.'' še enkrat me je poljubil. Bieber crew je že zdavnaj v celoti odšla na avtobus. prijel me je za roko in zdaj sva šla na avtobus še midva. imeli smo dva avtobsa: v enem so bili Pattie, Scooter, Fredo... v drugem pa smo bili Chaz, Ryan, Justin in jaz. ko sta me Chaz in Ryan videla, sta oba vstala iz kavča in me objela. vprašala sta me kaj delam tukaj in hotela sem jima odgovoriti, ko me je prekinil Justin.

''can I have her just for myself at least for one night?'' bil je na pol jezen. Chaz in Ryan sta razumevajoče pogledala, pokimala in se usedla nazaj na kavč in igrala xBox (pomojem, da se tko napiše). midva sva šla v Justinovo sobo. Justin je šel za mano in zaprl je vrata. šel je proti meni in me spravil na posteljo. ulegel se je nad mano in me še enkrat poljubil. 

''how and why did you get here?'' me je vprašal, medtem ko se je igral z mojimi lasmi. 

''Fredo told me that you were sad and tired of everything. and he said it would mean the world to you if I'd come..''

''it would.. it does actually. you don't know how happy I was when I saw your face at the backstage and how happy I am because I can touch you again. you really are the world to me.'' 

pobožala sem ga po laseh in se mu nasmehnila.

''I love you'' sva naenkrat zašepetala in se zasmejala. ura je bila že okoli pol enih zjutraj. Justin je zazehal in res je bil videti utrujen. odgrnila sem odeje in spravila sva se pod njimi. obrnila sva se en proti drugemu in se samo gledala.

''you're tired, ha?'' sem se nasmehnila. 

''no. I'll wait till you fall asleep.'' 

''I'm already sleeping.'' sem rekla. zasmejal se je in mi dal lupčka na čelo in na nos. pod odejo me je prijel za roko in zlezla sva čisto skupaj. potem sva zaspala. prvič po treh mesecih sem naspala z nasmeškom na obrazu, namesto s solzami v očeh.

59.del

nekaj časa je bil tiho. 

''you were right... it really made it worse..'' je končno rekel. prijela sem se za glavo.

''I'm sorry..''

''no.. don't worry..''

''Justin?''

''please don't say it again..''

''I think we should end skype..''

''auch... I thought it'll be good news''

''there is no good news about not being with you''

''I know... but don't stop skyping with me, I'm begging you.''

''but listen. if we don't skype, we'll forget eachother and it won't hurt so much.''

''stop! you know we can't just.. forget!''

''it'll be better for both of us.''

''well.. maybe it'll be better for you. but it will be worse for me. do you think I can wait till the end of December without seeing you? without being sure you're okay?''

''we could just try for a few days or  month. and if we can't...''

''I'm telling you, I can't!''

''you're so stubborn(trmast)! I can't do this every day. I don't want to see you till the day you come back.''

''oh really?''

''I didn't ment it like this, Jus. I don't want to see you because it hurts. and if I don't watch you every day on skype cause I would miss you more every single second and that wouldn't work out.''

''I guess.'' je rekel čez nekaj časa. ''.. you're right again.'' 

''believe me.'' sem rekla in se čisto nežno nasmehnila.

''I do.''

''I'm sorry.''

''it's okay.''

''so... this is the last skype?''

pokimala sem, on pa zavzdihnil.

''I have to say it for the last time..''

''say what?''

''that I love you back.'' žalostno sem pogledala stran od računalnika. nekaj časa sem bila tiho.

''bye Justin.''

''already?'' je žalostno vprašal. pokimala sem. 

(zdaj poslušaj to:http://youtu.be/9PGOcQZjESY) 

''okay. I'll miss you shawty. but when I come back, I'll broke your bones cause I'll hug you so storng.''

''okay'' sem se zasmejala.

''I'll miss you too. have fun, Justin.'' en drugemu sva se smehljala.

''you too, sweetheart. bye'' je rekel in mi poslal lupčka. še bolj sem se nasmehnila. 

''bye'' sem rekla in pomahal mi je. naredila sem enako, potem pa končno prekinila. so this was a goodbye. 

*JUSTINOVO RAZMIŠLJANJE*

ko je prekinila sem spet začutil praznino. vedel sem, da ne bom mogel počakati do božiča, ampak če je tako hotela Selly, naj bo tako. samo, da je ona srečna. rad imam moje Belieberje in čisto vsak koncert uživam. ampak čeprav vem, da se še začelo ni, si želim da bi ta ''turneja'' minila takoj. ali pa, da je sploh ne bi bilo. ali pa, da bi šla Selly z mano. to bi bilo še najbolje. ulegel sem se na posteljo in še malo zaspal, ker sem imel zvečer prvi nastop. 

*konec Justinovega razmišljanja* 

ugasnila sem računalnik in se vrgla na posteljo. bila sem žalostna. počutila sem se tako samo. ni bilo Justina, ni bilo Jade. mojih najljubših oseb. saj imam rada Johnnyja ampak še vseeno. zaspala sem. zbudila sem se ob osmih zvečer. brala sem neko knjigo in šele ob enajstih zvečer sem se spomnila, da ima Justin danes koncert. ker je danes šele začel, sem mu hotela zaželeti srečo. šla sem na twitter in tweetala:

@justinbieber good luck tonight. thinking of you. :)♥  

potem sem še naprej brala knjigo. bila je tako dobra, da sem se čisto utopila vanjo. sploh je nisem mogla nehat brat. ob enih zjutraj sem dobila sporočilo, da je Justin odgovoril na moj tweet in ga retweetal. 

@SeeellyTheBelieber thanks baby. it would sound a lot better if you'd be here with me. miss you.♥

takoj, ko sem to prebrala, sem dobila velik nasmeh na obraz. retweetala sem in potem sem šla 'spat' ali, če tako laže razumeš sem bila še na telefonu. odgovarjala sem na tweete Justinovih Belieberk. 
(to je samo en od neštetih primerov)
@SeeellyTheBelieber @justinbieber awwww you're so sweet together. I'm really glad justin has a belieber for girlfriend. it just make it even cuter :3♥

@kidrauuhl awww thanks bby♥  <--- to sem ji odgovorila in jo followala, ker vem, da bi to meni na njenem mestu veliko pomenilo. in tudi njej je. takoj, ko je videla, da ji sledim mi je začela pisati v privat chat. najprej je norela in jaz sem jo mirila. potem mi je zastavljala vprašanja o nama z Justinom in to je bilo težko. ampak vseeno sem ji na vse odgovorila. potem sem ji rekla, da sem utrujena in, da grem spat. poslala mi je ''thank you for everything. say I love you to Justin in my name. please make him follow me:c nighty night♥'' 
vem, da je bilo to kar sem naredila grdo, ampak mogla sem. odjavila sem se s svojega twitterja in se prijavila na Justinovega. followala sem jo in potem sem se hitro odjavila. upala sem, da Justin ne bi izvedel. ampak za vsak slučaj sem mu povedala. šla sem nazaj na svoj twitter in mu napisala pod klepet:

hey Justin.. some Belieber asked me to tell you to follow her...and I didn't wanna annoy you so I did it myself... I hope you don't mind it:/

ni mi odgovoril. ups. potem sem zaspala. okoli štirih zjutraj mi je takooo naglas zazvonil telefon, saj je Justin odgovoril.

hey Selly. sorry I was so tired before and I fell asleep and I just woke up cause I can't sleep anymore -.-''and oh God Selly. you never annoy me. beside you did a great job. I guess I wouldn't follow her because many Beliebers ask me that and that's just too many. but yeah, thank you so much. now I'm gonna try to fall asleep again. night:)

okay. goodnight:)

potem sem res zaspala.

minevali so dnevi in ne bom vsakega posebej opisala, ker niso bili nič posebnega. veliko sem bila z Johnnyjem in takrat je bilo zabavno. z Justinom si že dva meseca nisva pisala, samo retweetala sva tweete en drugemu. vsak konec tedna sem pregledala vse videe od Justinovih koncertov, ki so jih objavili na youtubu. vedno bolj, ko se je bližal konec turneje, vedno bolj utrujen in žalosten je bil videti. na zadnjem koncertu se je poslovil tako: thank you Beliebers! you guys are amazing. night Selly. in žalostno pogledal. takrat sem spustila solzo. zdaj je bila že jesen, konec novembra in bil je samo še en slab mesec. :)

58.del

naslednji dan sem se zbudila zgodaj. preoblekla  sem se oblekla in šla ven. danes je bilo zunaj mrzlo. bilo je oblačno in pihal je veter.
sprehajala sem se po plaži in takrat zagledala Johnnyja. pomahal mi je in se mi nasmehnil in jaz sem naredila isto. prišla sva si bližje. 

''hey Johnny'' sem ga pozdravila.

''hey Selly! how are you?'' 

''I'm okay, you?'' 

''even if Justin left?''

''how do you know that? he told me that yesterday..''

''yeah, but you texted me, remember?'' se je zasmejal. omg čisto sem pozabila, ampak res sem mu povedala, da sva se z Justinom včeraj zadnjič videla. 

''oh I totally forgooottt hahahha'' sem se še jaz zasmejala. 

''yeah, I'm feeling great. cause I know that we're not apart because we fight, but because he has to perform.'' sem se nasmehnila.

''I'm so happy for you.'' je rekel in se nasmehnil.

''thanks. oh, and by the way, he wants to meet you.'' 

''oh, really?''

''really. tomorrow you'll come to my house and we'll skype with Justin, okay?'' 

''OH MY GOD, YES!!''

''I knew you'd like it but...  why are you sooo exited?'' sem bila presenečena.

 ''because I'm a fan?'' je rekel in se smejal.

''such a big fan? I mean.. I knew you are a fan but I didn't knew that you're so crazy about him..''

''okay that sounded gay'' 

''I know, I'm sorry'' sem rekla in oba sva se začela še bolj smejati. 

''yeah, I'm a quite big fan..'' 

''it's good to hear that.. which song is your favourite?'' 

''I likee...Be alright, Believe, One time.. I love all of them actually, you?''

''I adoooree One less lonely girl. but yeah I love them all..'' 

''yeah, One less lonely girl is really great..''

''I know right?'' sem se začela smejati in skakati naokoli. končno sem lahko z nekom fangirlala o Justinu. prej nikoli nisem imela pravih prijateljev, ki bi res oboževali Justina. Johnny ga je imel rad in zato sem imela jaz Johnnyja še raje. to sem mu seveda povedala, ker sem postala čisto hiperaktivna. potem sva se še kakšno uro pogovarjala o Justinu. potem sva se usedla na plaži in odločila sem se, da pokličem Justina. pa kaj, če bom imela ta mesec malo večji telefonski račun, ga bom že sama plačala. poklicala sem ga in, ko se je javil sem ga dala na zvočnik.

''heey Selly! aww it's so good to see your name on my phone screen when you're calling..'' je rekel in se nasmehnil.

''hey Justin! awww'' 

''how are you shawty?'' 

''I'm okay, you?'' 

''me too.'' 

''Johnny is here with me..''

''oh, hi Johnny!''

''is this... oh my fucking God.. did Justin Bieber just say my name?''

''Selly.. is he a Belieber?'' se je zasmejal.

''kind of, yeah hahahha''

''hahaha that's cool! I love you!'' vsi trije smo se zasmejali.

''so Selly, did you wanna say something?''

''nah.. I just missed you..'' 

''I missed you too.. but we can't talk on phones cause we'll have a lot to pay. we'll talk on skype later, okay?'' je rekel s prijaznim tonom.

''okay''

''bye baby.''

''bye Justin..'' potem sem prekinila. Johnnyja sem povabila k meni domov in seveda je takoj privolil. tako sva šla domov in Johnny se je usedel na posteljo. jaz sem se usedla za mizo in prižgala računalnik.pogledala sem na Justinov twitter in tam je bil nov tweet: first show of a new tour tomorrow. can't wait. missed you, Beliebers! x

retweetala sem in potem dala računalnik Johnnyju. on je šel na youtube in nama do konca na glas prižgal My World album. plesala sva, pela in se smejala. kmalu je bila že noč.

''Johnny?''

''yeah?''

''do you wanna sleepover?''

''can I?''

''yeah..''

''of coursee!!'' bil je takoo vesel in začel se je smejati. potem me je kar objel. 

''I never had a better friend''

''awww Johnny!''

''but it's truee..''

''you're the best.''

''no, you are.'' ko je to rekel sva se zasmejala. potem sva Johnnyju naštimala jogi in odeje na tla in se počasi odpravila spat. seveda še dolgo nisva zaspala, saj sva se še pozno v noč pogovarjala. bilo je takooo zabavno. sploh nisem vedela, da so lahko fantje (poleg Justina, seveda) tako pozitivni in vse. še dobro da imam Johna. končno sva zaspala. naslednji dan sem se dosti zgodaj zbudila, glede na to, da sva šla spat ob pol štirih zjutraj. na telefonu sem imela že sporočilo.

hey Sellyyyyy, skype? 

yeah sure:)  s postelje sem stopila tako, da sem ''ponesreči'' na rahlo stopila na Johnnyja, ki je še spal.

'khaaaaa, you're crazyyy'' se je zasmejal.

''I know.'' sem mu smeje se odgovorila.

''come on, let's skype with Justin.'' 

prižgala sem računalnik in poklicala Justina. 

''HAAAY shaawty'' je rekel z tistim raztegnjenim nasmehom in glasom. oba z Johnnyjem sva padla v smeh in potem se je začel smejati še Justin.

''hey Justin'' 

Johnny je bil samo tiho in imel je odprta usta. pogledala sem ga in ga butnila v ramo.

''Johnny, wake up! you can see him every day if you want''  sva se oba z Justinom zasmejala.

''okay, deal!!'' je ves srečen rekel in zdaj smo se vsi smejali. potem smo se nekaj časa pogovarjali. 

''I wish I could be there with you guys..'' je žalostno rekel. takrat sem tudi jaz žalostno pogledala. ko je minilo nekaj časa tišine sem rekla:

''yeah... I wish that too...''

''but I love skype!'' 

''me too'' zasmejali smo se. potem je mogel Johnny na stranišče. ko je zaprl vrata, sem vprašala.

''Justin?''

''sweetheart?'' 

''do you think we can wait till Chrismas?'' 

''truth?'' 

''yeah..''

''I don't know... I really don't.. I wanna watch you everyday, every minute, I wanna touch your hair and I want to hold your hands. and I can't do this by skype. I wanna come home and it's not been even a day.'' 

bila sem tako žalostna. obrisala sem si solzo, preden bi mi zdrsnila po licu. 

''I miss you''

''I miss you more''

''you can't.. it's not possible..'' 

''believe me or not, it is.'' nekaj časa sva bila tiho. zdaj sem mogla. nisem si mogla več pomagati.

''I know I shouldn't say that but..''

''what?'' se je malo nasmehnil. 

''I lo...'' v tistem je notri vstopil Johnny in hitro sem utihnila. Johnny je nekaj govoril in šlo mi je čez eno uho notri, čez drugo pa ven. samo gledala sem tja prazno v računalnik in Justin je delal točno tako kot jaz. 

''what did you want to say?'' 

''I..I forgot'' sem se zlagala in Justin je to vedel. ni hotel vrtati vame pred Johnnyjem. 

''hey Selly?'' je rekel Johnny.

''yeah?'' 

''I'll go home now.'' 

''oh.. already?'' 

''yeah.. I have to... do some things..'' je rekel in vedela sem, da je hotel iti, da bi naju pustil sama.

''okay.'' sem se zasmejala. ''see you later?'' 

''see you!'' je rekel in šel. 

''I know you didn't forget'' je rekel, se nasmehnil in mi pomežiknil.

''no.. I didn't'' 

''tell me.''

''it'll make it worse, Justin..''

''no.. I insist.'' 

''I... I love you''

57.del

naslednje jutro sem se zbudila pozno, saj je bila sobota in ob sobotah sem imela službo od 1ih popoldne do 6ih zvečer. oblekla sem se v:

potem sem pojedla zajtrk in se odločila, da grem pred službo še na sprehod po plaži. bilo je tako lepo. nebo je bilo brez oblačka in pihal je topel veter. bila sem sproščena in vesela, ker sem zdaj vedela, da mi Justin ni za vedno zameril. dobila sem sms od Johnnyja:

hey Selly! are you here somewhere?

oh hey Johnny! yeah I'm at the beach.

okay I'll find you. see ya! 

malo sem se še sprehajala, potem pa me je dohitel John. 

''Sellyyy!''

''oh, here you are! how are you?''

''I'm okay, you?''

''yeah, me too.'' 

''so. you and Justin...?''

''no.. and I think we'll only stay friends. but it's enaugh to me.''

''liar.'' je rekel in se zasmejal. zasmejala sem se mu nazaj.

''yeah I am. I lie all the time.''

nekaj časa sva bila tiho. 

''so... did you two make things clear yesterday?''

''yeah.. but..''

''what?''

''he... he has to go to a smaller tour.. and he wanted me to go with him.''

''will you go?'' je vprašal žalostno in prestrašeno.

''n...''

''please, don't go. you're my only friend. other people thinks I'm a freak and I don't know what. now that I hang out with you, they're just.. pussies. stay here, please.'' je prosil. oh God. to je rekel tako, da se mi je zasmilil. 

''I'm not going anywhere.'' sem rekla in se mu nasmehnila. 

''thanks Selly. you really are a great friend.'' 

''you too.'' 

''so..''

''he said we can only stay friends if I'm not going with him.'' 

''oh, Selly. I didn't know that. then go with him. I'm sorry.'' 

''ahh stop it. I didn't think I'll ever say that but.. I think he..''

''he's not worth it.'' 

''that's what I wanted to say. but I would lie again. I sould never say that cause he is.'' 

''he is worth of it as an idol. but not as a lover, Selly'' potem sem bila tiho. v bistvu.. je bilo tudi Justinu težko. in vsega sem bila v resnici kriva jaz. in jaz sem to vedno spregledala. in se smilila sama sebi. what a bitch. pogledala sem na uro.

''we gotta run now.'' hitro sva tekla do slaščičarne. danes je bilo polno kupcev in skrinje s sladoledi sva menjala kot menjaš spodnje hlače. končno je bila ura 6 in končala sva z delom. potem sva šla še na sprehod in potem vsak v svoj dom. zvečer me je poklical Justin.

''hey Selly''

''hey Justin.''

''how are you?''

''I'm okay, you?''

''I'm not okay. not even close.''

''what? why? what happened?''

''I just found out that I'm leaving tomorrow, not in one week.''

''oh crap.'' sem se ustrašila. 

''you said that crap so funny'' je rekel in se začel smejati.

''it's not funny, Justin. not funny at all.'' zavzdihnil je.

''I know. could we meet before I go?'' 

''yes. yeah, sure'' 

''where?'' 

''but Justin...what if we...'' (mislila sem, kaj če bi se spet kaj zgodilo.)

''we won't. I promise. I'll try... to control myself'' 

''okay.''

''so.. at the beach?'' 

''okay. now?'' 

''now.'' 

''see ya.'' sem rekla in se nasmehnila. 

''see ya.'' se je poslovil s tistim sladkim glaskom. čutilo se je, da se je tudi on nasmehnil. 

seveda sem se preoblekla in šele potem šla od doma. ko sem hodila, sem imela roke v žepih in gledala sem v tla. naenkrat sem se zaletela v človeka, ki je bil, ko sem ga pogledala, Justin. 

''oh, sorry hahahah'' 

nasmejal se je. pogledal me je s tistimi očmi, za katere je lahko vsaka Belieberka razbrala, da je tisti trenutek srečen. nekaj časa sva se samo gledala.

''you seem so happy.'' 

''I do?'' je vprašal in ves čas sva se smehljala. 

''yeah, you really do.'' 

zasmejal se je. 

''well I guess that's because I really am happy.'' 

''why? cause you're leaving?''

''of course not!'' 

''then why?'' 

''cause I can see you again. cause you're here, talking to me.'' 

''Justin, you said you'll...''

''but I can't. I lied. I love you Selly.'' 

pogledala sem v tla. čutila sem, kako so se mi nabirale solze. 

''why do you have to go?'' sem čisto potiho zašepetala. 

''sorry?'' je vprašal, ker me ni slišal. potem sem ga objokana pogledala in glasneje ponovila.

''why do you have to leave?'' še enkrat sem se zaletela vanj, le da sem ga zdaj objela. 

''oh honey.'' je zajamral in mi vrnil objem. zdaj je zajokal še on. 

''I can't do it no more, Selly'' je rekel v joku. 

''me neither.'' sem ves čas hlipala. 

''I want you back.'' posmrkala sem. počasi sem se umirila. še vedno sva bila v objemu. 

''I wanna stay in those arms forever.'' 

''stay.'' v solzah sem se zasmejala in on tudi. 

''I love you.'' 

''I love you too. so much. but if we...'' 

''I know. and you were right. the best way is if we wait till Christmas.'' 

''yeah..'' 

''I'm so sorry.''

''why?'' 

''cause I have to leave.'' 

''me too.''

''I'll miss you so..'' -tu je spet zajokal- ''so much'' zdaj nisem rekla nič. samo še bolj sem ga objela in zahlipala. zledalo je, kot bi se sto let objemala. ampak bilo je lepo in vse bi dala, da bi Justin ostal tukaj. potem sem Justinu rekla naj gre domov in si odpočije do jutri. še enkrat me je poljubil na čelo in potem sva se res poslovila in šla domov. doma sem takoj šla v posteljo in v solzah zaspala.

56.del

''go with me'' *iz prejšnjega dela* 

*56.del*

nekaj časa sem bila tiho in potem sem rekla: 

''Justin, you know I can't go..''

''why? why don't you wanna go? you always find excuses for not talking about the tour, now tell me!''

''because I can't just leave dad and Sam..''

''why? are they babies? can't they take care of themselves?'' 

''stop talking like that!''

''but Selly! I got the poin't, haven't I?'' 

''no..you do...''

''why are you acting so dumb?'' je zelo naglas vprašal.

''oh, so now I'm dumb, right?''

''no! I didn't mean like that!''

''yeah, sure.''

''I just want to know why don't you wanna go with me.'' je zdaj rekel nežno. nekaj časa sem bila tiho in on tudi.

''what if we get in fight again? if we just... I don't know what. where will I go? will I stay with you on the bus? will I cry everytime you'll go past me when I'll sit on the sofa watching TV?''

''why would we even fight? why do you always think about the fight?'' 

''right. cause we really never fight, ha?'' sem vprašala v sarkazmu.

''I'm sorry Justin. I won't go. not that I can't go. I don't want to.'' sem rekla in hotela iti stran od njega. obrnila sem se in začela hoditi. potem je pritekel za mano.

''Selly!'' je zaklical in me prijel za roko. obrnila sem se nazaj k njemu. zavzdihnil je.

''I can't do it without you. I'd miss you too much.''

''Justin I...''

''and I wanna kiss you so badly..'' me je prekinil in pogledal v ustnice. ''but I can't if I'm leaving in one week and if I know you're not comming with me.'' zavzdihnil je. 

''I.. no.. you won't convince me. I'm staying.'' 

''what will happen to us then?''

''I guess.. we can still be friends?'' sem rekla, čeprav sem vedela, da to ne bo šlo. in pogruntal me je.

''yeah. we can. but I know you know we can't only be friends.'' 

samo odpirala sem usta in nisem vedla kaj naj rečem. nasmehnil se je in me prijel za brado. 

''go with me.'' je rekel in prišel čisto blizu mene. naslonil mi je čelo na mojega in zavzdihnil. 

''I can't.'' sem potiho rekla. potem je bil nekaj časa tiho. 

''then promise me we'll skype.'' 

nasmehnila sem se.

''I promise.'' hotel me je poljubiti a sem mu postavila prst pred ustnice.

''wait for Christmas.''

''no. I can't.'' 

''you have to.''

''hug me then.'' objela sem ga. močno.

''I won't let you now.'' zasmejala sem se. oh Goddd..spet sem čutila toplino. nisem ga spustila. okoli naju so se nabrali paparaci. Justin me je prijel za roko in hodila sem za njim. kmalu sva začela teči in na koncu sva se skrila za nekim vogalom, kjer sva se jih končno znebila. 

''I'll go home now.'' 

''no... don't go yet..'' 

''yeah.. I'll go.''

zavzdihnil je. 

''but I can text you now, right?'' 

zasmejala sem se in mu pokimala. spustila sem njegovo roko in šla domov. bila sem vesela. in po eni strani žalostna, saj Justin čez en teden odhaja. ko sem hodila sem že dobila sporočilo. nasmehnila sem se že, ko sem videla, da je od Justina. 

tell me: how am I supposed to survive 4 months if I miss you after 2 minutes?

we'll skype.

...?

a lot.

...?

every day?

...?

okay I know what you want hahaha

...

I'll miss you too. is that what you wanted to hear?

yeah.

I will.

:)

na to nisem odgovorila.

are you there? please be there.

I'm here.  

*med pisanjem sem prišla v mojo hišo*

stay with me to the rest of this day

še preden sem uspela odgovoriti, je napisal še eno sporočilo.

please.

I will. 

potem sva se res cel dan pogovarjala in vmes sem bila na računalniku. Justin je ves čas tweetal: 

:)

:)

:)

:)

...

in najmanj 10 smeškotov je bilo kar naenkrat na njegovem profilu. vse sem retweetala in enega objavila še sama. tega mi je retweetal Justin.  

*sms-ji*

Justin?

yeah?

I got so much hate..

oh don't worry bby. they're just mad because I screwed up and we fight again...

Justin, I screwed up, remember?

nah... we're both to blame..

stop lying to yourself! it was me and they'll never stop hating me.

you have me here. log out from twitter and ignore the hate. once you date a celebrity, you have to get used to things like this. and don't get me wrong- I just want the best for you.

res sem se odjavila iz twitterja in se še naprej pogovarjala z Justinom.

thank you Justin.

anytime. :)

na telefonu sem bila še vedno prijavljena na twitter in dobila sem da je Justin spet nekaj tweetal. pogledala sem:

me and Selly are back together. please, stop the hate. I love you Beliebers. ♥

*spet sms-ji*

thanks. (mislila sem na tweet, ki ga je napisal, da bi Belieberke prenehale z 'hateom')

everything for you. I'd type a heart now. can I? ko sem prebrala to, sem se na glas zasmejala.

ahahha yeah Justin, you can :)

♥
♥♥♥
oh God nobody can stop me now. 
♥♥♥♥

it's okay Justin...

♥♥♥

enough!

sorry...

it's okay.

no hearts for me?

Justin we can't just act... like we're together.. cause we ain't..right?

friends can write hearts, right?

goodnight Justin♥

night' night sweety :)

55.del

budilka me je vrgla iz postelje že ob 6ih in res nisem bila navajena na to. hitro sem se oblekla, se umila, naličila, obula in tekla do stojnice. moj delovni čas je bil od 7ih zjutraj do 2h popoldne. prišla sem do stojnice in tam me je Joe že čakal. ja, Joe je šef tiste 'slaščičarne' in Samov prijatelj. povedal mi je kaj in kako moram kaj delati in kdo bo moj pomočnik. tam sta bila punca in fant, ki sem ju potem tudi bolje spoznala. bila sta Scarlett in Johnny. oba sta bila takooooo simpatična in imeli smo se res dobro. tiste urice, ko smo delali in naj bi bile 'zoprne' sta mi jih onadva popestrila z njunimi heci. preden sem prišla jaz se sploh nista kaj družila, zdaj ko pa sem jaz tukaj smo se skupaj zabavali. na stojnici smo vrteli glasbo in se smejali. to sta onadva: 

ja. Johnny je bil lep. in prijazen. in takoj me je sprejel. za Scarlett se je kasneje izkazalo, da kadi, pije in jemlje droge. ne vem kako ji je po vsem tem ratalo ostati tako lepa, saj je to baje delala že dolgo. ko se je to razvedlo je dala odpoved. ostala sva sama z Johnnyjem. ampak nisva je preveč pogrešala, saj sva se imela sama dobro. imela sva isti urnik, zato je bilo še bolje. oba sva bila tam za poletno službo in Johnny je bil par mesecov starejši od mene. zaradi njega sem rajši hodila v službo. prosim ne bodi otročja in ne misli, da mi je zaradi tega všeč. ker še vedno... kako je bolelo, ko sem pomislila na Justina. vsakič, ko sem pomislila nanj, je Johnny opazil in vedno je vprašal, kaj je narobe. zdaj sem v slaščičarni delala že dva tedna in Johnny je dal vtis, da mu lahko zaupam. povedala sem mu zgodbo z Justinom in spet jokala. takrat me je John prvič objel in rekel naj ne skrbim. da imam ob sebi vedno prijatelje, ki me bodo spodbujali in mi stali ob strani in, da on hoče nekoč postati eden izmed tistih bližnjih prijateljev. povedla sem mu, da je nekako že zelo blizu tega. nasmehnil se je. potem sva delala naprej. vsake toliko časa me je prišla obiskat Jade in takrat sem si vzela pavzo, da sva skupaj pojedli sladoled. en dan je prišla in mi povedala, da gre čez en teden za 6 mesecev z očijem na križarjenje.

''what? I won't survive Jadey!'' 

''ohh come on! we have skype and telephones and all those stuffs. they said we'll have internet on the boat. and you'll have fun with your new friend!'' 

''Jade?'' 

''yeah sweety?'' 

''don't ever think he replaced you, but I think Johnny really is a good friend. he's great.''

''I would never think of that. it's not like you can only have me for your friend!'' 

''oh Jade, you always understand.'' sem rekla in jo objela. 

''honey, there's nothing to understand.'' je odgovorila. potem sva bili nekaj časa tiho. ''Selly? did Jus...?''

''no. nothing.'' sem jo prekinila, ker nisem hotela slišati celega vprašanja. tako in tako sem vedela kaj bi vprašala: ali se je Justin že kaj oglasil. potem je Jade šla, ker je imela doma nekaj dela. jaz sem se vrnila v slaščičarno in z Johnnyjem sva se naprej zabavala. 

18 dni. 18 dni odkar sem nazadnje videla Justina. in še takrat sva bila skregana. nisem več zdržala. hotela sem ga videti. pa če samo za 3 minute, od daleč in se ne pogovarjava. 

kmalu je napočil tisti dan, ko je Jade odpotovala. takrat je bila nedelja in z Johnnyjem nisva delala. skupaj sva jo pospremila do ladje, ki je odplula iz naše plaže. z Jade sva se močno objeli in potem je šla. z Johnnyjem sva ji mahala in, ko je bila ladja tako daleč, da je nisva več videla, sva šla še na sprehod po plaži. pogovarjala sva se o svojih življenjih in potem je prišla tista tema, ko sem hotela rečt- I'm a big Belieber- brez, da bi se spomnila, da sva bila z Justinom skupaj in, da sva se do konca skregala. do zdaj sem vsem ponosno povedala, da sem Belieberka in sem Johnnyju že avtomatsko hotela to reči. in potem sem se ustavila in žalostno pogledala. Johhny se je zasmejal in rekel: 

''oh come on. you're gonna go thru it and you'll forget it someday. + I don't like him anymore. I liked his music before I knew he hurt you, but now..''

''noo, stop it! his music is the best, don't stop liking it because we're not together anymore. beside, it was all my fault. I hurt him, he didn't hurt me. but it hurts because he won't ever accept my apology for what I did. I hate myself for being such a stupid ass.''

''don't say that. it'll be alright. and you're nothing like stupid ass. you're the best.'' 

''no, I'm not. I want Justin back.'' 

''you'll get him back one day. a true love never fades. and you two, as I heard and saw on TV, really have a true love.'' 

''I don't think so. we were fighting.. a lot.'' 

''hey! cheer up! Believe, right?'' 

nasmehnila sem se. 

''right.''

potem sva zamenjala temo in po enem celem popoldnevu, sva se končno odločila iti domov. pojedla sem večerjo in potem sem kmalu šla spat, saj sem mogla naslednji dan vstati ob 6ih in spet začeti nov teden službe. spet sem pomislila in ugotovila, da je zdaj že skoraj en mesec od Justina. potem sem pomislila na hkrati najbolj grozno stvar in najboljšo stvar: veliko bolje bi bilo, če Justina nikoli ne bi spoznala. ali pa vsaj ne tisti dan, ko sva se zapletla. še vedno bi ga oboževala in bila njegova Belieberka. zdaj komaj lahko pomislim nanj, ker preveč boli. kakorkoli, končno sem zaspala. zjutraj me je spet zbudila budilka. tekla sem v službo in tam je Johnny že čakal. pozdravila sem ga in on je mene. pripravila sva mize in stole in potem so ljudje že začeli hoditi v slaščičarno. danes je bilo na kupe strank. ura je bila že 1 in imela sem samo še 1 uro do konca službe. komaj sem čakala, saj je bilo danes tako naporno. tako sem toliko delala, da nisem gledala, kdo je prihajal. potem sem ga prepoznala po oblekah, ki sem jih videla, ko sem gledala v sladoled. hitro sem pogledala gor, da sem se prepričala, če je res on. in ja, bil je. Justin je stal tam pred stojnico s sladoledom. zavzdihnila sem, ko sem videla kako žalostno me je gledal. 

''hi.'' je rekel po nekem času.

''h-hi.'' 

''we need to talk..'' je zavzdihnil.

''I think so...yeah..''

''I'll wait for you at the beach. will you come after work?'' 

zaostala sem. nisem mogla več spregovoriti. bila sem tako vesela, da sem ga spet videla, še bolj pa, da je po vsem tem kar sem mu naredila spet spregovoril z mano. 

''Selly?'' 

''sorry!'' sem se zbudila. 

''so... will you come?'' 

''of course.'' 

''okay... see you.. then.'' 

''yeah.. see you.'' sem rekla. malo, ampak res malo se mi je nasmehnil in bila sem še toliko bolj vesela. potem je šel. hotela sem naložiti sladoled naslednji stranki, ko je za mano prišel Johnny. 

''go for him. I can make it alone for one hour. good luck.'' je rekel in prijel kornet. objela sem ga, potem pa slekla predpasnik, ki sem ga morala imeti oblečenega v slaščičarni in hitro stekla do plaže. iskala sem Justina in nisem ga našla. mislila sem, da se me je že naveličal čakati in je šel domov. ali pa da me je vrgel na foro. obrnila sem se, da bi šla nazaj v službo in potem sem ga zagledala. šla sem do njega.

''oh, hey you. is it 2 already?'' 

''n-no. I came earlier.'' 

''that's cool.'' je rekel in se zdaj bolj nasmehnil. nisem mogla drugače, kot da sem se prav zasmejala nazaj.

''what's funny?'' se je zasmejal.

''nothing.'' sem se še enkrat zasmejala potem pa utihnila. 

''so...'' 

''so I wanted to talk about our fight first..'' 

''Justin, I'm so sorry. I..'' prijela sem se za glavo in zavzdihnila. 

''I should never believe him.. and.. oh God. I'm such an idiot.''

''you didn't know... it's not your fault.. I should take you to the party with me..''

''no. it's not about that. it's about trusting. I believed Harry and thought you lied. I'll never forgive myself for what I did. I am so fucking sorry..'' 

''I know. and...'' 

''but that kiss with Harry. It was nothing, I swear. we were out as friends and then he kissed me. I wanted to go away but he held me to tight. and then you came...'' 

''I know. he told me himself. he said he.. loved you and that he lied to you to make you fight with me. and that he couldn't help himself and he kissed you.''

''but I swear...'' 

''just tell me something.'' me je prekinil. pogledala sem ga s tistim pogledom *povej?*

''did you feel the same as you felt when I kissed you?'' 

''Justin! I knew him for I don't know... one week?'' 

''you knew me for two days when I kissed you first..'' 

''no, Justin. I didn't feel anything.'' 

''it's okay then.'' roke je imel v žepih in govoril je čisto mirno- videlo se je, da je bil žalosten ampak vse kar je povedal je povedal z rahlim nasmehom. 

''Jus, I'm so sorry for being that bitch..''

''stop!'' me je prekinil in tukaj postal jezen. ''you're not a bitch, stop talking like that!'' 

''but I am! I told you I trust you and then I thought you lied and Harry didn't. I'm such a...''

''now stop talkig. just... shut up.'' pogledala sem ga, ker nisem vedela, če je bil zdaj jezen name ali kaj. 

''I'm sorry for not behaving to you as I had to.''

''you shouldn't be sorry for anything. I should be. and I am. I'm truly sorry. and I'm sorry I didn't let you explane things..''

''me too.''

nekaj časa sva bila tiho in se samo gledala.

''so... friends?'' sem vprašala. 

''no.'' 

''no?'' sem bila nekaj časa tiho in potem vprašala. 

''no.'' je rekel in še preden je končal me je prijel in poljubil. oh gooshhh to je trajalo dolgo. in bilo je tako lepo. in bila sem takoo srečna. vmes je rekel:

''you know I can't only be friends with you.'' zavzdihnila sem in še enkrat me je poljubil. potem se je odmakil. 

''oh no.. we can't... I shouldn't kiss you now.'' 

''why?'' sem vprašala. 

''cause I felt it again. and I'll miss it again.'' 

''you won't miss it. we're here now..'' sem rekla in ga hotela še enkrat poljubiti. odmaknil se je.

''no.''

''Justin I am really sorry if it's still about this.'' sem zastokala.

''Selly, I'm leaving.'' je hitro rekel. začudila sem se. 

''what?''

''yeah. there's a small tour or something like that... I'll have to visit some countries and have small performings there...''

''when are you leaving?'' 

''in two days.'' 

žalostno sem ga pogledala. 

''how long?'' 

''I'll be home for Christmas.'' 

zdaj sem se ustrašila.

''I can't. I won't survive till then.'' 

''that's what I really wanted to talk about.'' 

''what?''

 ''go with me.''