68.del

ko sem se zbudila, je bila ura toliko, da je Sam že večerjal. jaz še vedno nisem mogla jesti. šla sem v kuhinjo in ga pozdravila.

''hey Selly. eat now.'' je rekel in mi naložil na krožnik. usedla sem se za mizo in začela jesti. bila sem zelo počasna. brskala sem po krožniku tako, kot da mi hrana ne bi bila všeč. malo sem vseeno pojedla. potem sem krožnik odložila na pult in šla nazaj v sobo. ležala sem na postelji in naenkrat sem začutila čuden občutek v trebuhu. tekla sem v kopalnico in izbruhala kosilo. hitro sem spila vodo. Samu raje nisem omenjala. šla sem nazaj v sobo in bila na telefonu. napisala sem nov tweet:

so. it really is over. thank you for everything Johnny, I'll never forget you. I love you♥

potem sem napisala Justinu direktno sporočilo.

hey Jus, are you there?

čez par minut je odgovoril.

yeah, I'm here babe. and I have great news

tell me!

look at the date.

na telefonu sem pogledala katerega smo danes. 

oh my God. 

..

it's 18th already are you kidding me? I'll see you in... 1 week oh my Goooooooooddddddd♥♥

I knoooooooowwwww I can't wait♥

me neitherrr♥

I can't wait to hug you and when I do I won't ever let you:)

deal.

deal.♥ honey? I have to get ready for my concert now. talk to you soon. bye♥

okay. bye♥

nazaj sem zaspala. zbudila sem se šele zvečer. bilo mi je vroče. hotela sem ven. sigurno se v mestu kaj dogaja? oblekla sem se v to in šla v mesto. 
 

tam je bilo polno ljudi. vrtela se je muzika. šla sem tja, kjer je bilo največ ljudi. tam je nekdo vrtel tiste palice z ognjem. muzika je bila tako glasna, da si se mogel dreti, če si hotel, da te je nekdo slišal. nekega random človeka sem potrepljala po rami in ga vprašala, kaj se dogaja. 

''I don't know what's happening! I guess we're having a... before Christmas party!''   (ko na koncu napišem ''!'' pomeni, da se derejo ker drugače en drugega ne slišijo)

''it's one week till Christmas!''

''ahhh who cares! we only wanna have fun!'' 

''aah.. okay'' 

obrnil se je nazaj k tistemu, ki je imel ''predstavo'' in naprej ploskal in navijal. potem me je še enkrat pogledal.

''is that Bieber girl?'' zasmejala sem se. 

''oh my God! hey everybody...'' udarila sem ga po hrbtu.

''don't tell anybody.. I don't want any attention, put it on.. fire player or whatever this man is'' sem se spet zasmejala. 

''okay.. as you wish'' je rekel. 

''I'm not a Bieber fan so I don't really know your name..'' 

''I'm Selly'' 

''nice to meet you Selly! I'm Peter!'' 

''nice to meet you too!'' bil je tako čuden. imel je malo daljše lase, ne vem.. rjavo- oranžne? nekaj čudnega hahah. zgledal je kot zabaven tip. predstavil mi je še nekaj družbe in na mojo srečo nihče od njih ni bil Justinov fan. pa ne, da nebi hotela, da bi bili. hotela sem samo, da bi bila sprejeta v neko novo družbo zaradi mene, ne zaradi tega, ker sem z Justinom. povsod smo šli skupaj in bil je zabaven večer. odmislila sem Johnnyja in vse ostale slabe reči. ves večer sem se smejala. plesali smo in pili punč ali nekaj podobnega. danes nisem pretiravala, prisežem. ura je bila eno in počasi sem se poslovila od družbe in šla domov. bila sem utrujena in sem šla takoj spat. 
naslednji dan sem se zbudila pozno. šla sem v kuhinjo, da bi poskusila pojesti zajtrk. naredila sem si toast. ko sem ga pojedla, sem šla gledat televizijo. potem me je spet prijelo. tekla sem v kopalnico in bruhala. slišala sem, da je Sam tekel po stopnicah. hitro sem vstala in potegnila vodo. prišel je v kopalnico.

''Selly? are you okay?''

''yeah.. I'm cool, why?'' 

''I don't know.. I thought you ran to the bathroom..'' 

''yeah, that's because I drank a lot of water..'' 

''ahhh, okay'' nasmehnila sem se in potem je šel ven. jaz sem šla v sobo. zazvonil mi je telefon. klical me je Justin. awww to je narisalo nasmeh na obraz. 

''hey Juuuusss''

''heey Selly'' 

''hey.. how are you?'' 

''I'm okay now..'' 

''what? is something wrong?'' 

''no.. no.. I just missed your voice and I wanted to hear it..''

''awww'' 

''do you know how much I miss you?'' 

''I miss you too.'' 

''this Christmas will be the best one ever. I never waited for it so long..'' 

''yeah.. we're actually waiting for this Christmas from summer, right?'' 

''yeah..'' nasmehnila sem se.

''how was your show yesterday?'' 

''oh.. so many Beliebers, so many. they screamed so much. I really love them..''

''I know..you're the best idol, you know that, right?''

''well.. I...''

''believe me, you are'' sem ga prekinila.

''I love you''

''I love you too. hey, Justin, I don't want you to pay a lot so..''

''don't worry about that..'' 

''we have twitter, right?''

''yeah, but I can't hear you if we only chat on twitter..'' 

''ahh come on.. Christmas will be here.. soon'' sem rekla in se zasmejala. 

''that.. ''soon'' word..''

''yeah, that ''soon'' word would be quite okay if you wouldn't ever write it on twitter, ha?''

''I guess so..''

par trenutkov sva bila tiho. 

''Justin?'' 

''yeah?'' 

''have a nice day'' 

''already?'' 

''yeah..'' 

''okay. I love you'' 

''love you too. byee''

''byee''

67.del

spala sem zelo dolgo. zbudila sem se okrog 11ih. premišljevala sem o vsem možnem. potem sem prižgala računalnik in šla na twitter. šla sem na Justinov profil in tam je bilo veliko novih tweetov. spravili so me v dobro voljo. 

I am so sorry. Rest in peace, Johnny. :( ♥

@SeellyTheBelieber I miss you. everything's gonna be alright.♥

I didn't know you but still. you'll stay in our hearts. r.i.p Johnny. </3

in še veliko drugih. vse sem mu retweetala. potem sem šla na svoj profil in še jaz napisala:

why did this happen? I'll never forgive myself. I'm so so so sorry Johnny. R.I.P. you'll always stay here-->♥.I love you ♥

pogledala sem med trende in tretji po vrsti je bil: #RIPJohnny. o moj bog. malo sem gledala kdo je to pisal in seveda je bilo večina Belieberjev. 

thank you so much #Beliebers. I love you♥ <--sem napisala še en tweet. med drugimi, je oba tweeta retweetal tudi Justin. potem sem dobila direktno sporočilo. (Justin)

hey baby, are you okay?:( 

hey Justin.. no I'm actually not. 

is it because of Johnny or something else happened?

no..yes..both. I found out it was my fault yesterday.

what was your fault?

Johnny died because of me

what? no! Selly nothing is your fault! stop thinking like this! just.. oh God.. Selly please don't think you're guilty..

Justin you don't know the whole story! you don't know how or why he died..

no I don't. but I know nothing is your fault.

when I'll tell you everything you will understand.

no. I'll think the same. and stop now. it's not your fault. okay?

okay. 

I wanna be with you right now... 

don't even talk about it.. I miss you so much..

yeah...me too..

Justin? 

yeah?

I.. I don't know what I wanted to say. I just don't want to stop talking to you..

you don't have to. we can talk all day. :)

actually no..because I have to buy a new dress for tomorrows funural.. 

oh... I wish I could go with you :(

me too :( but I won't buy a new dress. I'm too lazy to go outside and I have dark circles on my face(podočnjaki) .. I don't feel like going outside..

then don't go. do things you want to do, have a rest, I don't know. as you wish. just don't be...I know it's not really possible but don't be sad so much.. because it hurts to know my baby isn't fine and I'm not there with her..

I'll stop thinking about bad things till tomorrow. don't worry. :)

liar.

yeah, they often call me that..

I didn't mean it. I just know you can't stop thinking about all bad that happens and that's okay. but I really wanna hug you right now

:(

Justin:

:)♥

Selly?

yeah?

I'm so sorry but I really have to go.:( 

okay..

can we talk after my show?

sure:)

okay. I love you, bye♥

love you more. bye♥

zaprla sem računalnik. oči je potrkal na vrata in me vprašal, če bom kaj jedla. rekla sem ne, ker nisem mogla vase spraviti ničesar. cel dan sem bila zaklenjena v sobi- ležala kavču, razmišljala, spala, jokala. zvečer sem že v 8492048938 gledala A Walk To Remember. jokala sem kot dojenček, pa ne zaradi filma. razmišljala sem o Jade. pogrešala sem jo. že dolgo se sploh nisva slišali. upam, da je vsaj ona v redu. upam, da se ima dobro. danes je oči šel do dedka(tistega, ki je živel z babico, ki je poleti umrla) in bo tam ostal en teden. tja je šel zato, ker je dedi sam in se mu je poslabšalo. baje ni nič hujšega ampak vseeno. 

''Selly if you're feeling better when I'm home I can stay'' je rekel preden je šel.

''no dad. go to grandpa and take care of him'' 

''are you sure?'' 

''of course. don't worry about me''

''well.. I can't just not worry about you. but Sam will be here with you, okay?'' 

''okay.'' dal mi je lupčka na čelo in potem šel k dedku. jaz sem šla v sobo. notri je prišel Sam.

''Selly?'' 

''yeah?''

''my friend cell me and invited me to his birthday party..''

''go'' sem ga prekinila. 

''really?'' 

''of course, you don't need my permission..''

''yeah, but you'll stay alone if I go and I'll be worried then..''

''don't worry about me and have fun.'' 

''okay. but we'll really have a big party so I guess I'll sleep over there..''

''okay. say hello to... well whoever'' sem se zasmejala. 

''okay I will. byee'' se je zasmejal nazaj. potem je šel. ugasnila sem luč v sobi in šla na posteljo. prižgala sem depresivno muziko in na pol spala. jokala sem in, ko sem se pogledala v ogledalo sem imela velike podočnjake. sedela sem na postelji in razmišljala- nobenega ni doma. ne morem več. alkohol pomaga? kaj če grem v kuhinjo in kaj poiščem? sigurno je tam kaj. res sem šla v kuhinjo in odprla omaro pod umivalnikom. pa kaj, če enkrat nekaj spijem? noben ne bo opazil in bilo bi samo enkrat. našla sem martini. uh, v redu. ne vem kaj je to. kako se to pije? ahh who cares, res mi je bilo vseeno. vzela sem ga in šla v sobo. zaklenila sem se za vsak slučaj. steklenico sem imela v roki in jo gledala. potem sem ga odprla. najprej sem ga povohala in res je smrdel. sploh hočem alkohol? ja. hotela sem se napiti in pozabiti na vse. hitro sem naslonila steklenico na ustnice in jo nagnila. streslo me je. malo sem nehala ampak kmalu spet začela. sedela sem na tleh in pila martini kot bi pila vodo. kmalu ga je pol zmanjkalo. nisem mogla verjeti. nikoli nisem hotela spiti niti piva, niti majhnega požirka alkohola, zdaj pa... ah. Y.O.L.O. saj gre vse narobe. vseeno mi je. naj bo kar hoče. še naprej sem pila tisti shit in bila pokonci pozno v noč. ne spomnim se ničesar. naslednji dan sem se zbudila na tleh in v roki sem držala steklenico. v sobi je smrdelo po alkoholu. omfg. pila sem? kaj? sem čisto neumna? spila sem... CELO STEKLENICO MARTINIJA? omg. pogledala sem se v ogledalo. imela sem ogromne podočnjake, rdeče oči, skuštrane lase... sama sebi sem bila ogabna, zato kar sem naredila. sem res mogla? sovražim se. šele potem sem se spomnila. Johnny. pogreb. kaj bom? kako naj prekrijem, da sem pila? fuck. fuck, fuck, fuck. kako sem lahko tako neumna? na dan pogre..ne morem pomisliti na to. moj najboljši prijatelj je umrl in jaz sem se en dan pred njegovim pogrebom napila. kaj je z mano? hitro sem si umila lase in oblekla tisto črno obleko, ki sem jo imela na babičinem pogrebu. na obraz sem si dala toliko pudra, da je prekril podočnjake. potem sem nanesla še nekaj ličil in spet sem izgledala nekako normalno. pogreb je bil čez eno uro. do tam sem imela kar nekaj časa, če sem šla peš, saj tako in tako nisem imela prevoza. upala sem, da bo Sam vseeno prišel na pogreb. za očija je bilo tako ali tako logično, da ne bo prišel, saj je bil na drugem koncu Kanade. ampak saj je vseeno. šla sem od doma, saj sem hotela biti tam prva. pa nisem bila. tam je bila že njegova mami. šla sem do nje in jo objela. obe sva jokali. počasi so se ljudje zbirali in kmalu nas je bilo polno. sami odrasli ljudje. si moraš misliti? ni imel prijateljev. samo mene. in jaz sem se napila dan pred njegovim pogrebom. bravo. sovražim se. cel pogreb sem jokala kot neumna. prišel je tudi Sam in zato sem bila boljše volje, kot bi bila, če ga ne bi bilo. vsi ljudje so mi izrekali sožalja in zato je bilo še težje. ko so že vsi šli, sem ostala sama na pokopališču. usedla sem se pred Johnnyjev grob in ga gledala. vseeno mi je bilo, kako neumno sem izpadla, ampak začela sem se pogovarjati z njim.

''I know I didn't know you so long but you really became my friend. and I'm so sorry. this shouldn't happen. you should told me about things that happened in your life before we met. everything would be different. I would stay home and I wouldn't go with Justin. I'm so sorry I left you here alone.'' spet sem začela jokati, ampak še vedno sem govorila.

''I'll really miss you Johnny... why did you do this to me? and to your mom? why did you even listen to all the other people who hated you for no fucking reason?! they just had fucked up lives and they couldn't say anything nice. you shouldn't let them break you. they aren't worth of anything. I would kill them all now.'' sem hlipala. začel je pihati topel veter. zaprla sem oči in mislila na lepe dneve, ki sem jih doživela z Johnnyjem. ko sem pomislila na ves tisti smeh, ko sem se smejala njemu in njegovim hecom, ko sem se smejala kako neroden je bil. v solzah sem se začela smejati. še enkrat sem pogledala grob in se nasmehnila. vstala sem. položila sem roko na kamen, kjer je pisalo John Bennet. 

''I'll miss you, Johnny.'' sem še rekla in potem sem šla. pot do doma nisem jokala, ampak sem se smehljala. spominjala sem se dobrih stvari, ki sem jih počela z njim. poznala sem ga komaj.. 5 mesecev? ampak to je bilo 5 najbolj nepozabnih mesecov mojega življenja. koliko dobrega se je zgodilo. spoznala sem Justina in se zaljubila vanj. spoznala sem Johnnyja, ki je bil res dober prijatelj. tudi z Jade je bilo to poletje najlepše in najzabavnejše poletje kar sva jih kdajkoli imeli. ampak vse je šlo. Justin je na turneji, Jade na križarjenju, Johnny.. on je šel, v eni noči sem spila celo steklenico alkohola. vmes sem ugotovila, da sem jaz kriva za Johnnyjevo smrt. ampak hotela sem odmisliti vse te slabe stvari in se spomniti na dobre. teh je bilo toliko... ampak niti ene nikoli ne bom pozabila. zunaj je bilo sončno in glede na to, da je bil december, je bilo dosti toplo. prišla sem domov in šla v sobo. prižgala sem računalnik in se spomnila, da sva se z Justinom zmenila, da se bi včeraj zvečer še pogovarjala po twitterju. ampak neee, jaz sem se raje nalila s steklenico martinija in mi je bilo za vse vseeno. sovražim se. v sobo je prišel Sam in me vprašal, če bom jedla. rekla sem, da ne.

''Selly you have to eat something''

''I can't. I'm not hungry. I'll eat dinner, okay?''

''okay'' je zavzdihnil in šel iz sobe. šla sem na twitter in imela sem nova sporočila. 

hey Selly, I'm back...

so...

are you there?

well I guess you're sleeping. okay. talk to you tomorrow. night sweetie;*

joj. ne morem mu povedati, da sem pila. niti mu nisem mogla lagati. ampak sem se mogla, če nisem hotela, da bi se jezil name. prvič sem se mu zlagala.

hey Justin.. sorry I fell asleep yesterday.. sorry:( 

hitro je odgovoril.

hey baby.. no it's okay. I know you're tired. :) so.. how was the funeral?

I guess I was the youngest there. and I cried all the time. and his mom looked so exhausted...

why would you be the youngest?:o I don't get this... yeah I believe you. I wish I could be there :c

I'll explane everything to you when you get home. and yeah.. I wish that too. it wouldn't be that hard if you would be there.

okay. I'm so sorry.. :(

well.. it's over. and hahahaha..

what? what's funny? :D

it will sound weird..

I don't care as long as I see you're laughing:)

I was sad and everything, but when everyone went home I sat in front of Johnny's grave and I started to talk with him.. and I remembered all the good memories and from that moment I smile all day:)

yeah.. sometimes it helps if you just talk to someone. or something. hahahah but you know.. you let all the bad things you know out of you and then you're calmed and happy.. I mean... that helps a lot of people. even me:)

yeah? and when did you feel like you need to talk to someone?

well..there's a lot of this times.. and when this time comes I just.. I don't know.. yell at my room wall? or whatever..

Justin you don't need to yell at your wall. you can always talk to me. and you should never get the lonely feeling. because I'm always with you, even if I'm not phisically right beside you. okay?

same for you. and if we fight it's nothing like I wouldn't love you, okay? it's just because.. I don't know. because I'm stupid and I let stupid words that I don't mean out of my mouth. 

no you're not stupid and stop talking this shit. I love you, okay?

I love you back. to infinity and beyond.♥

♥ 
I'll go back to sleep now.. okay?

yeah me too. talk to you later?

yup. bye♥

bye♥

potem sem res zaspala.

66.del

med vožnjo je prišla do mene stevardesa. ponudila mi je robčke. wtf? ojoj. zdaj sem jokala že tako, da sploh vedela nisem, da so mi uhajale solze. 

''Miss Jones, right?'' nasmehnila sem se in pokimala. 

''Selly.'' 

''Selly. do you need anything? can I help you somehow?'' je vprašala. spet sem se nasmehnila. 

''no, thank you.'' 

''are you sure?'' 

''no really. but thank you.''

''okay. can I ask you for a favour then?'' 

''yeah?''

''could you please sign this for my daughter Jane?'' zasmejala sem se.

''well of course!'' dala mi je list in flomaster in jaz sem ji z veseljem podpisala. zahvalila se mi je in me objela, potem pa šla. peljali smo se naprej in bila sem utrujena. zaspala sem. čez 2 uri me je stevardesa zbudila in rekla, da naj se pripravim na pristanek. oblekla sem se in se počasi pripravila, da grem končno iz letala. pristali smo in stopila sem ven. na letališču sta me čakala Sam in oči. ko sem ju videla sem spet začela jokati. tekla sem do njiju in ju objela. tudi onadva sta zajokala.

''I'm so sorry girl'' je rekel Sam in me pobožal po hrbtu med objemom. oči ni mogel reči nič. jaz tudi ne. šli smo v avto in tam sem spet zaspala. zbudila sem se šele zvečer- v postelji. Sam je sedel zraven mene. 

''hey'' hotela sem ga pozdraviti ampak iz mene ni bilo nič. 

''you were very tired. you became pale and you shaked so we thought it's the best if you rest a bit. '' pokimala sem. še enkrat sem ga objela. 

''Sam... I have to visit Johnny's parents.. will you go with me please?'' 

''of course. when?'' 

''now.'' 

''okay'' oba sva se preoblekla v lepše obleke in šla do Joh... huh. Johnnyjevih staršev. prišla sva do njihovih vrat. globoko sem zavzdihnila in pozvonila. odprla je Johnnyjeva mami. jaz nisem poznala njegovih staršev. nikoli jih še nisem videla. ampak njegova mami naju je s Samom takooo lepo sprejela... odprla je vrata in bila je objokana. 

''Selly? is that... you?'' 

''yeah.. it's me..'' sem se ji v solzah nasmehnila. prišla je do mene in me objela. potem naju je povabila notri. postregla naju je s piškoti in sokom. nekaj časa smo samo pili in jedli. potem nisem več zdržala.

''can you please..tell me what happened?'' globoko je zavzdihnila. 

''you know... you saved his life for a few months. his schoolmates hated him. they called him gay and they told him to kill himself and if he doesen't do it, they will. one day he came home and say: ''mom.. can we move? everybody hates me and I wanna die right now.'' I told him that the school is gonna end soon and they will stop bothering him. but they didn't. they chased him every day, whole year. he always cried. there was so much horrible stories'' tu sem začela jokati. 

''then he started to work because he thought they won't notice him anymore. he met you and the day he did, he came home so happy. he said: ''mom.. I think I found a friend''. that made me the happiest person alive. before he met you... he cut himself'' oh my God. zajokala sem še močneje.

''but he stopped because he knew that one person really understands him. and Selly. that's why I love you so much. but...'' tu je zajokala ona. ''you went on that tour with Justin. he came home and cried because he was safe with you and you left. and.. and just... people saw he was alone again and they started all over again. gay, faggot, idiot, kill yourself. it was so awful. he started to cut again. and... yesterday he came home and said... they stopped him at the way home and they beat him. he had a broken arm and his face was.. bleading. I wanted to go to a doctor but he said no. then today'' tu je hlipala in se drla. ''I wanted to go to work and I went to garage... and when I wanted to open my car I... I found him... he was sitting on the chair with a bleading head. he had a gun in his arms and then I realized... he was'' prijela se je za glavo in zahlipala. ''he was gone'' ko je končala sem padla na tla. začela sem jokati in zdaj nisem mogla nehati. tudi Sam je spet zajokal. šel je do mene in me poskušal pomiriti, ampak mu ni uspelo. tresla sem se in sploh se nisem mogla nadzorovati. hlipala sem tako, da me sigurno nihče ni razumel.

''I hate myself. I shouldn't go on that stupid tour. no. no! NO! I killed one of my bestfriends because I wanted to be with Justin. I will never forgive myself''

''nooo. baby it's not your fault. you didn't know, Johnny never told you about his past. please don't think it's your fault'' je jokala in me objela. 

''where's his dad?'' 

''he left us when Sam was 10. he wanted to get away from him.. so... he left'' 

''yeah.. same for our mom..'' še vedno nisem mogla nehati jokati. nekaj časa smo bili tiho in smo hlipali. 

''Selly. the funural is in three days. I want you to be there, okay?'' 

''of course.'' 

''okay. now go home and rest'' šli smo do vrat in Johnnyjeva mama me je objela. 

''I love you. thanks for being there when Johnny needed you'' pokimala sem in si obrisala solze. potem smo se poslovili in s Samom sva šla domov. ko sem prišla v hišo sem se zaklenila v sobo. hotela sem poklicati Justina. vklopila sem telefon in imela sem 17 neodgovorjenih klicev. vsi od Justina. fuck. hitro sem ga poklicala. 

''Selly! oh my God, finaly! are you okay?'' 

''I'm so sorry. Sam said that I was so tired at the airport that I fell asleep and I slept till two hours ago. and then I had to visit Johnny's mom..'' nekaj časa je bil tiho. 

''how did it go?'' 

''that was just... awful. I hate myself..''

''don't..'' me je prekinil. ''..talk like this'' 

''it's serious Justin'' 

''you'll tell me everything when I come home, okay? I don't want you to get a huge phone bill.'' 

''okay.'' 

''Selly?'' 

''yeah?'' 

''promise me something'' 

''what?''

''promise me you'll be okay. I want you to calm down. okay?'' zavzdihnila sem s tresočim glasom (posledica joka)

''sweetie?'' 

''I promise.'' 

''pinky promise?'' 

''I said I promise, Justin!'' bil je tiho. zavzdihnila sem. 

''I'm sorry..'' 

''no, I'm sorry. ughhh I'm so..'' 

''no. don't worry'' me je prekinil. ''it's okay. I understand you're sad.''

''it's not okay. because nothing is your fault but I yell at you anyway. I'm so sorry.'' 

''don't be. it's okay. I'm just so sorry I'm not there with you.'' 

''me too. I miss you already'' 

''I miss you too. I love you baby''

''I love you too. I can't wait to see you'' 

''me neither.'' potem sva bila nekaj časa tiho. premišljevala sem o Justinu. 

''let's end now, Selly. we'll talk tomorrow, okay?'' 

''okay'' 

''bye shawty'' 

''bye Justin. say hi to Bieber team, okay?'' 

''and you say hi to your family'' 

''I will. byee'' 

''bye sweetie'' prekinila sem. telefon sem vrgla na posteljo. pogledala sem na nočno omarico, kjer je bila ta slika: 

slikala sem ju, ko so bili na obisku Jeremy, Jaxon in Jazzy. pobožala sem sliko in nisem se je mogla nagledati. kako bom pogrešala Justina do božiča. ta nasmeh, to toplino, ko me objame. ne no. :(
ulegla sem se v posteljo in še vedno gledala v sliko. dobila sem sms od Justina. 

I just saw your picture on my bedside table(nočna omarica) and now I can't stop watching it. you're just so beautiful ♥

you won't believe me but I'm doing just the same thing. that's just the most beautiful pic on the world:) I love you. goodnight superman♥

I think the same about yours. nigh' night babe♥

telefon sem položila na nočno omarico zraven slike in potem zaspala.

65.del

tako sva še dolgo ležala in počasi sem zaspala. zbudil me je Justin, ki je prišel v sobo in me začel božati po ličku. ko sem odprla oči, sem ga videla objokanega in v rokah je držal telefon. ko je videl, da sem se zbudila, je še bolj zajokal. prestrašila sem se. 

''what happened?'' sem se hitro usedla in ga vprašala. 

''I.. I..can't'' je hlipal. ''Sam will tell you'' 

''Sam?'' prestrašila sem se, da ne bi bilo kaj narobe z očijem. Justin je v joku pokimal in mi dal telefon.

''Sam? hello? what happened?'' 

''hey Sel..hey Selly'' slišalo se je, da je tudi on jokal. 

''Sammy? calm down. stop crying and tell me.'' 

''I..you... you have to believe me, okay? don't think..'' 

''of course I'll believe you. just tell me already.'' 

''Johnny... Johnny di..''

''what? what happened to Johnny?'' 

''he died.'' je zajokal. bila sem tiho, potem pa sem se dvomljivo zasmejala. 

''Sam... you know it's not okay to make jokes with this things.'' takrat je Justin na novo padel v jok. prijel se je za glavo. 

''he's not joking Selly'' 

''I'm not joking, I swear. I know.. I know it's hard to believe but..'' oh. my. God. I wanna die.

''YOU TWO STOP MAKING FUN OF ME AND TELL ME THE THRUTH!!!'' Justin je prišel do mene in me objel. vmes je jokal. tudi Sam ni rekel nič, le jokal je. malo sem bila tiho in potem vprašala..

''wait...you two are serious... aren't you...?'' Justin me je pogledal, zahlipal in pokimal. sploh nisem vedela, ampak solze so mi začele teči kot dež. neobvladljivo. sploh jih nisem čutila ampak cela sem bila objokana. nič mi ni bilo jasno in hotela sem zakričati. 

''I'll...I'll be home tonight. bye Sam'' potem sem prekinila. telefon sem vrnila Justinu. bila sem čisto trda. sploh se nisem mogla obvladati. kaj? ne. ne. to ni bilo res. to so bile samo sanje, saj sem še spala, kajne? 

''shake me and wake me from this bad dreams.'' v joku se je zasmejal. 

''I'm so..'' je spet zajokal. ''I'm so sorry baby'' je rekel. objel me je in takrat sem začela še bolj jokati. 

(http://youtu.be/c43cHJ4z3kA- poslušaj, ko bereš) 

''I'm going home today. where can we stop? where are we? I'll fly at the nearest airport around'' sem komaj povedala. 
odmaknila sva se iz objema. Justin me je žalostno pogledal in rahlo pokimal. 

''I'll tell Kenny, okay?'' pokimala sem. dal mi je lupčka na čelo in šel iz sobe. vrgla sem se na posteljo in začela še bolj jokati. v sobo je prišel Chaz. usedel se je zraven mene na posteljo. 

''Selly... I am so so so sorry. that shouldn't happen. I'm so sorry, really'' usedla sem se in objel me je. vrnila sem mu objem. 

''do you need anything?'' 

''no, thanks'' sem rekla in odkimala. 

''okay. I'm always here if you need me, okay?'' 

''thank you'' sem rekla in se nasmehnila. še enkrat me je objel in potem šel iz sobe. začela sem pakirati. bolele so me roke. nisem se mogla premikati. v sobo je prišel Justin. prestrašeno me je pogledal. 

''oh my God. are you.. okay?'' je rekel. pritekel je do mene in me prijel. usedel se je in me položil v naročje. 

''you're shaking! your skin is pale and you're cold! fuck!'' prijel mi je glavo, mi jo položil na njegova prsa in me objel. 

''no.. I'm okay.. I just.. can't believe..he was..'' 

''I know. don't talk, I guess that would be better for you right now.'' pokimala sem. 

''now lay, okay? I'll pack your things.'' 

''no.. I'll do it myself.''

''no, Selly. you're not feeling okay..'' 

''okay, stop! I'll be okay, I just have to come home as soon as possible'' bila sem jezna in vstala sem iz njegovega naročja. odprla sem drugi kovček in vanj basala obleke. vstal je za mano. hotel me je objeti, ampak nisem pustila. izmikala sem se mu in pakirala naprej. 

''please don't act like this'' je rekel. 

''like what? like one of my best friends would die?'' sem zoprno rekla in spet zajokala.

''I know it's wrong and hard for you. but it's hard for me too. I never met this boy and you know I wished to. and I know how much you loved him and still do and I know I'll never see you as happy as you were before he.. we heard he..'' ''tu se je ustavil. 

''but you don't need to act like this to me, Selly..'' prijela sem se za glavo.

''I know. I'm sorry.'' šla sem do njega in ga objela. 

''I'll go home with you'' je rekel po nekaj minutah tišine. 

''no..Justin..'' 

''I want to.'' 

''no.. you have to stay here and finish the tour.'' zavzdihnil je. 

''I wish this tour never happened'' 

''me too'' spet sem zajokala in on tudi. 

''I have to pack now''

''I'll help you''

''okay'' 

zložila sva moje obleke in ostale stvari v kovčke in potem je v sobo prišel Ryan. prišel je do mene in me objel. spet sem se zjokala. 

''I'm so sorry Selly.'' posmrkala sem in pokimala. še nekaj časa me je držal, potem pa se je odstranil. 

''so...you're going home?'' spet sem pokimala. 

''okay. we love you and we're always here for you, okay?'' nasmehnila sem se. 

''thank you'' vrnil mi je nasmeh in šel iz sobe. potem je notri prišla Pattie. cela je bila objokana. 

''oh my God, Selly'' prišla je do mene in me močno objela. 

''I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard this must be but remember I love you, okay?'' 

''okay'' še enkrat me je objela in mi dala lupčka na lice. 

''Kenny said we'll leave you at the Belgium airport and you'll fly home. we already called there and ordered tickets for your fligh. you're flying in one hour. is that okay?''

''yeah. okay. thank you.'' 

''no problem sweetie. I love you. and I'm sorry, again. I'll leave you alone now, okay?''  pokimala sva. Justin je prišel do mene in me še enkrat objel. 

''I'll never get this. how could he just... die?'' sem zahlipala. dal mi je lupčka na glavo. 

''I know...''

potem sva bila nekaj časa tiho. še so mi uhajale solze, ampak tako, da Justin ni slišal, da jokam. 

''I'll miss you.''

''I'll miss you more'' objela sem ga močneje in on tudi mene. potem me je pogledal. čisto potiho mi je zašepetal:

''I hate to see you crying.'' obrisal mi je solze. ulegel se je na posteljo in šla sem za njim. ležala sem proti njemu in zaprla sem oči. božal me je po glavi. ne vem koliko časa je tako minilo, ampak najbrž veliko. ko sem se že čisto pomirila, sem spet pomislila... zjokala sem se kot majhen otrok. začela sem se dreti in solze so mi tekle tako močno, da sem Justinu posteljo naredila čisto mokro že po parih sekundah. Justin me je hitro prijel in objel. zdaj nisem mogla nehati jokati. 

''oh my Goood.'' sem hlipala. ''he was my best friend'' sem zacvilila. ''I can't imagine life without Johnny'' to sem zašepetala, ker več nisem mogla dati iz sebe.

''I know baby'' je rekel in s hripavim glasom. 

''I know it's not exactly the same, but you always have me, okay? I'm here for you whenever you need me. and I want you to know this.'' v joku sem pokimala. 

''I know.'' 

''I love you''

''I love you too'' spet sem zahlipala in se zjokala. ne morem opisati kako žalostna sem bila, ne morem. najraje bi se ugreznila v zemljo, da me ne bi bilo več. ne. ne morem več. avtobus se je ustavil. pogledala sem ven in videla, da smo na letališču. Justin je pogledal na uro. 

''noo..'' je zajamral. ''you're already leaving'' žalostno me je pogledal. ''we were together like... 3 days?'' 

''I'm sorry'' 

''don't be. go home, and calm down. but the same second as you come home you have to call me. I have to know you're okay. promise?'' 

''I promise.'' prijel me je za roko in šla sva ven iz avtobusa. prišla je še vsa ostala Bieber team. poslovila sem se in vsakega posebej objela. Fredotu sem se še posebej zahvalila potem pa sva šla z Justinom notri po letalne karte. ko sem jih dobila sva šla skupaj na letalo. še enkrat sva se objela. 

''Justin.. I know I said you have to finish the tour and you really have to.. but I don't know if I can do this without you'' spet sem se zjokala. sama sebi sem bila tečna. kašna jokica. 

''I can come with you Selly'' 

''no..you can't because Beliebers need you. I'm sorry. I'm just stupid and I cry too much'' 

''please don't say that. cause you're not stupid and it's normal you cry right now.'' spet sem zajokala.
''Selly?'' 

''yeah?''

''can I kiss you?'' s solzami sem se zasmejala. 

''of course, you idiot'' roke sem mu dala za okrog vratu in poljubila sva se. nisem hotela stran. to je trajalo takoo dolgo. hotel je že nehati, ker je mislil, da mi je neprijetno. 

''don't stop yet'' sem rekla in ga potegnila nazaj. potem so poklicali naj se potniki za moje letalo vkrcamo. 

''no. no. no. nooo. I can't let you go.'' 

''I have to... I'm so sorry.'' objela sem ga tako močno, da je malo manjkalo, da ni zacvilil. objem mi je vrnil.

''I love you, I'll miss you. I'll call you, okay?'' sem hitro govorila. 

''I love you too. yeah, call me.'' še enkrat sem ga na hitro poljubila.

''bye Justin.'' 

''I hate this... bye Selly'' še vedno me je držal za roko. bila sem že tako daleč, da sva imela roki že čisto iztegnjeni. poljubil mi je roko. nasmehnila sem se mu in on se je meni, potem pa me izpustil. poslala sem mu lupčka in on tudi meni. potem sem tekla na letalo. usedla sem se in pogledala skozi okno. zunaj je stala cela Bieber team in med njimi tudi Justin. vsi so mi mahali in jaz njim nazaj. Justin mi je še enkrat poslal lupčka in jaz vsem njim nazaj. on je stal za vsemi drugimi. dobro sem ga pogledala in.. jokal je. hitro sem iz torbice vzela zvezek in flomaster in napisala: DON'T CRY JUSTIN. I LOVE YOU♥. prebral je in se nasmejal. z rokami mi je pokazal srčka. potem se je letalo začelo premikati. postala sem žalostna in začela sem panično mahati vsem. takoj, ko smo vzleteli sem dobila sms od Justina:

don't be afraid baby. everything's gonna be alright♥ 

I love you♥

potem je do mene prišla stevardesa in mi tako kot nekomu v šoli vzela telefon in rekla, da mi ga bo vrnila, ko pridemo na cilj. hvala. res hvala. mogoče ne kažem na ven, ampak od znotraj skačem od veselja. -.- 

64.del

kmalu je bila ura toliko, da smo mogli iti do dvorane. tam smo bili eno uro pred koncertom in stali smo v zaodrju. Belieberji so notri že divjali in odštevali minute. Justin je v zaodrju na hitro povadil s plesalci. bilo so še 3 minute in zdaj je bilo v dvorani noro. nasmehnila sem se. pogrešala sem to. to, da sem za vsakim videom, ki ga je objavil na instagram ali objavi na twitterju cvilila, skakala, jokala... zdaj ga vsak dan vidim in seveda ni več tako kot je bilo. ne rečem, da moje življenje ni popolno, saj sem officially Justinova punca, ampak pogrešam svoje življenje Belieberke. Justin me je s svojo ramo malo sunil v mojo, ker sem se zasanjala. 

''are you okay?'' me je vprašal. 

''totally. I love you, good luck.'' sem mu odvrnila. poljubila sem ga in potem je mogel iti. ko je prišel v dvorano so začeli še bolj kričati. pogledala sem Pattie in šla sem ji bližje. 

''Pattie? can I go there and act like I never met Justin before? please.'' nasmehnila se mi je. 

''of course you can. have fun, sweetie.'' je še rekla. objela sem jo potem pa šla iz zaodrja v četrto vrsto ali nekaj podobnega. nikoli še nisem bila na Justinovem koncertu. pridružila sem se drugim Belieberjem in začela sem vpiti, skakati, peti... imela sem se najboljše. hitro je minilo in kmalu je bilo konec koncerta. ampak nekaj ni bilo čisto prav. tekla sem nazaj v zaodrje in tam našla Justina. 

''Justin!'' 

''hey Selly.'' hotel me je objeti ampak sem se odmaknila.

''no, not now. you forgot One less lonely girl! you have to get back on stage!'' 

''calm down. I didn't forget it, baby. I'm going back now.'' je rekel. prišel mi je bližje in me poljubil. pobožal me je po ličku. 

''but you'll have to go with me today. I decided you'll be my One less lonely girl on today's performance.'' 

najprej sem kar zažarela, potem pa sem se spomnila.. 

''noo, Justin. I can see you every day and I can hug you every day too. but Beliebers can't. I can't be the OLLG because today's OLLG belongs to a lucky girl in the crowd. please, go back and make some Belieber's life better.'' sem rekla in nasmehnil se je. 

''whatever you wish. but when we come to the bus, I'll make you know you're my One less lonely girl.''

zasmejala sem se.

''okay. now go'' sem rekla v smehu. še on se je zasmejal, potem pa je šel na oder. v zaodrje je prišla neka punca, ki je bila stara približno toliko  kot jaz. ko me je videla, se je začela še bolj jokati kot se je že. šla sem do nje in jo objela. 

''have fun on the stage.'' sem ji zašepetala in v joku je pokimala. potem je mogla na oder. usedla se je na stol in Justin je začel peti. na glavo ji je dal krono in v roke ji je dal rože. objemal jo je in tisti trenutek je bila ona najbolj srečna punca. takoj za mano. kmalu je bilo konec OLLG in Justin je prišel nazaj v zaodrje. bil je utrujen, a ko me je videl se je nasmehnil. šla sem do njega in ga objela. 

''you were great'' sem mu rekla in komaj me je slišal, ker so bili Belieberji tako glasni. 

''thanks. that's because you're here.'' 

pogledala sem ga in se nasmehnila. potem je šel na M&G. to je trajalo takooo dolgo. končno je bilo konec. prijel me je za roko in tekli smo do avtobusa, da nas niso dohiteli paparaci, fani itd., ker tako nikoli ne bi končali s podpisovanjem. z avtobusi smo se odpeljali dosti daleč stran od dvorane v kateri je Justin nastopal. potem smo se ustavili in končno smo imeli mir. z Justinom sva šla v sobo. takoj se je vrgel na posteljo, se razkomotil in globoko zavzdihnil. zasmejala sem se, zaprla vrata in se ulegla zraven njega. objel me je in mi dal lupčka na čelo. nekaj časa sva bila tiho.

''I wasn't at the backstage today.'' 

vprašujoče me je pogledal, jaz pa sem se zasmejala.

''I was in the crowd, singing your songs and being a Belieber again.'' 

''really?'' nasmehnil se je. 

''yeah. and it was my first concert.''

''did you have fun?'' 

''of course I had.'' 

pogledal me je in se nasmehnil. spet me je pobožal po ličku. 

''you were amazing.'' 

''that's because of you.'' nasmehnila sem se.

''I love you.'' 

''I love you too.'' nekaj časa sva bila tiho. 

''can we go to sleep? or do you want to talk?'' zaprla sem oči. 

''no, I wanna sleep'' zasmejal se je, mi dal lupčka na lička in potem sva objeta zaspala. 

naslednji dan sem se zbudila, ko smo se z avtobusoma že peljali. to je bilo dosti pozno. obrnila sem se proti oknu in gledala skozi. potem me je Justin od zadaj objel in tako sva nekaj časa ležala. 

''morning beautiful'' nasmehnila sem se. 

''morning weirdo.'' ko sem to rekla, se je zasmejal. 

''why am I weirdo now?'' 

''because you're weird.'' 

''obviously'' se je smejal. dal mi je lupčka na ramo in potem vstal iz postelje. 

''where are you going?'' 

''I don't know..'' 

''away from me, ha?'' 

''right'' sva se hecala. 

''noooo, stay with me. come here'' sem rekla in z roko potolkla po postelji. nasmejal se je in prišel nazaj k meni. spet me je objel od zadaj in tako sva ležala še nekaj časa. po nekem času tišine je rekel:

''I wanna talk with you'' 

prestrašeno sem obrnila glavo nazaj, da sem ga lahko videla.

''about what?'' 

''nothing special. we just... we don't talk like friends, don't you think?'' 

zdaj sem se cela obrnila k njemu.

''well... we can't just.. talk like friends.. or what? I don't get what you mean..''

''talk with me like you talk to Jade... or Johnny.'' zasmejala sem se. 

''I can't talk to you like I talk to them.. I mean.. Jade is a girl. and Johnny? well we talk jokes to eachother, we don't talk like I talk to Jade.''

''then talk to me like you talk to Jade.'' 

''I don't know what you mean.... start a topic and we can talk.'' 

''okay.... let's hmmm... talk about your ex boyfriends..'' 

''Justin... there's no ex boyfriends'' sem se zasmejala. 

''yeah right. I can't believe this beauty didn't have any boyfriend till she turned 18'' spet sem se zasmejala. 

''okay. there was one. but he's not worth of being called a boyfriend..'' postala sem žalostna in glavo sem obrnila stran od Justina, tako da sem gledala na tla. z roko mi je glavo spet dvignil in naredil žalosten pogled. 

''what... why?'' 

''I.. don't really want to talk about him..'' malo je počakal in bil tiho. 

''please?'' 

zavzdihila sem. 

''I was... first year of high school when I fell in love with him. he was the last year. and he was the main dude in our school. he played basketball and...'' 

''oh.. now I know why you're so good at basketball'' zasmejala sem se. 

''so yeah... every girl fell for him and of course I was one of them. he was cute and everything. and then someday he just... asked me to go to prom with him because none from his class ''wasn't good enaugh for him''. that was two months before the prom. of course I said yes. then the teacher said we have to practice dancing and I was at every lesson with him. we danced and he slowly fell in love with me. then someday he asked me out after our dancing class. we went to the beach and that day he asked me to be his girlfriend. and yeah.. I said yes. again. and then we kissed and things. then the prom came and I went there. there was an hour till prom and he came. he said he wants... you know..'' tukaj sem se skoraj zjokala. 

''don't cry baby. it's okay. tell me'' je rekel in mi obrisal solzo. 

''yeah, I know what he wanted. go on'' 

''of course I didn't want to do it with him and this young. I said no. he wanted to convince me but he couldn't. then he...'' zahlipala sem. 

''he slaped me on my face. he said I wasn't worth it any way and then I ran from that prom.'' Justin me je objel medtem, ko sem jokala. 

''don't worry. it's over. he's an idiot and he didn't deserved you.'' 

pokimala sem. 

''I'd never treat you like that'' 

''I know.'' nasmehnil se je in jaz tudi. še vedno me je držal. 

''I'm so sorry for being a jerk sometimes'' 

''you're not.. a jerk.'' sem rekla in ga pogledala. 

''you're everything but a jerk and I'm so sorry for calling you like that when I was mad'' 

''noo.. don't be sorry. I deserved that'' 

''no you didn't. I was stupid.'' 

''oh stop it. you're not stupid, baby'' spet me je objel. 

''but you're my one less lonely girl.'' zasmejala sem se in on tudi.

''I love you so so so much.'' 

''if you'd want me to hug you as strong as I love you, I'd probably broke your bones'' zasmejala sem se. dal mi je lupčka na čelo, potem na nos in potem na ustnice. potem sva bila nekaj časa tiho in sva ležala.

''when's your next concert?''

''tomorrow. I guess...'' 

''where?'' 

''in Holland'' 

''that's great.'' 

''mhm..'' 

''Justin?''

''yeah?''

''can we lay here all day?'' zasmejal se je. 

''yeah, we can'' 

63.del

''oh, baby... you know I'd do anything for you..'' še enkrat me je poljubil. nasmehnila sem se mu in on meni. hotela sem se mu zahvaliti za vse kar je karkoli naredil zame ampak nisem mogla. če bi se lahko, bi se najbrž zahvaljevala dve leti. pa sem ga 'poznala' komaj slabe pol leta. ampak najlepše pol leta mojega življenja. točno to sem mu povedala. 

''you don't need to thank me, Selly. cause I do all this things to make you happy. and when I see you're happy it's enaugh for me. you don't have to thank me. I have to. thank you Selly.''

''why do you have to thank me? I didn't do anything..'' sem se zasmejala. 

''yeah. you did.'' 

''what did I do?'' 

''you came in my life.'' to je rekel takooo lepo.. objela sem ga in on mene. 

''I know I said it a million times but..''

''don't worry. I'll never get enaugh of this sentence.'' vedel je kaj sem hotela. 

''I love you.''

''I love you too. now say it again.''  zasmejala sem se.

''I love you, I love you, I love you and I'll always love you.'' 

''me too. now that I have you, I can't imagine life without you. it just... sucks.'' nasmehnila sva se. poljubil me je. in še enkrat. in še enkrat. 

''oh right! I have to practice today!'' 

''practice like...?''

''...doing push- ups and things, yeah.'' 

 ''yeah, right. and I bet you can't even make 50 push-ups.'' 

''oh yeah?'' 

''I dare you!'' sem rekla in se zasmejala. 

''oh yeah?'' ta je bil resen. 

''are you.. a baby? don't you dare to bet with a girl?'' jaz sem se še vedno smejala, on pa je bil še vedno resen. 

''lay down.'' je rekel po nekaj trenutkih tišine.

''why?'' 

''you.. just do it babe!'' ulegla sem se na tla. kmalu se je ulegel nad mano. začel je delati sklece nad mano in vsakič ko se je z rokami spustil in z glavo prišel bližje meni, mi je dal lupčka. za vsakim lupčkom je preštel: ena, dve tri... ko je prišel do tri, sem ga vprašala:

''what are you doing?'' zasmejala sem se. 

''four... well, I need some motivation if I'm gonna do all this!'' zdaj se je še on zasmejal. tako je delal sklece. ves čas sva se smejala, čeprav za to ni bilo veliko časa, saj je bil vedno hitreje na mojih ustnicah.

''forty- seven, forty- eight, forty-nine..''

''fifty!'' sva zadnjega preštela skupaj. prekucnil se je zraven mene in oba sva ležala zadihana. jaz zato, ker med lupčki nisem veliko dihala, Justin pa... no saj je logično, da je zadihan, če je naredil 50 sklec. zasmejala sem se in rekla:

''so I guess I lost my bet.. I have to..''

''a kiss would be enaugh'' je rekel in se že obrnil proti meni. 

''another one?'' nasmehnil se je in pokimal. potem me je poljubil. ampak ta je trajal dlje kot tisti med skleci. potem se je odmaknil in me še nekaj časa gledal in se smehljal. 

''do you want to go to the city for a shoping and a tea?'' 

''yeees let's goooo, pleasee'' v Parizu nisi velikokrat, ha?

''okay.'' prijela sva se za roke, povedala Pattie kam greva in šla. prišla sva... sem. :')

ja. to je bil Le Forum des Halles. ja. to je največji nakupovalni center v Parizu. in ja. tukaj sem jaz zares bila. 

''so... let's start!'' je rekel. zacvilila sem in ga objela, on pa se je zasmejal. 

(poslušaj: http://youtu.be/qKCGBgOgp08 da boš lažje brala (: + probej met komad čimbolj na glas hahah :D )

držala sva se za roke in hodila, skakala, tekla in se smejala po celem centru. vsi so naju gledali in se nama smejali. nabavila sem si miljooon stvari. prišla sva do neke male stojnice kjer so risali tatuje (lažne). usedla sva se na stol in pustila, da so nama nekaj narisali. najprej sploh nisva gledala in sva tatuje videla šele, ko so bili narejeni. meni so na zapestje narisali srčkasto ključavnico, Justino pa na isto mesto (na tisti roki, ki ni bila potatuvirana) ključek. 

''aww that's so sweet. thank you so much.'' sem se zahvalila tistemu, ki nama jih je narisal. zahvalil se mu je še Justin in mu plačal.

''I think you two have a great love.'' nasmehnila sem se in pogledala Justina, ki je delal isto. 

''we do. and thank you so much again.'' 

''wait! could you please sign this for my daughter?'' 

''of course. what's her name?'' povedal mu je ime in Justin je podpisal. še enkrat sva se zahvalila in potem šla. 

''Selly?''

''yeah?'' 

''we'll have real ones someday, right?'' je vprašal medtem, ko sva se še naprej sprehajala po centru. nasmehnila sem se.

''of course.'' 

''okay.'' je rekel in se mi nazaj nasmehnil. mislim, da ko pogledaš sliko (ki sem jo prej nalepila), najprej opaziš tisti rdeči vrtiljak. no ja, seveda sva tudi tja šla. sedela sva na tistem konju ali karkoli je že bil- edina med ostalimi otroci ahhaha.. spet sva naredila na milijone slik. kupila sva kokice, sprite, bonbone in še veliko drugih stvari. tam je bilo seveda tudi veliko fanic in Belieberk. Justin se je slikal z njimi in se jim podpisal. nekatere punce so začele objemati še mene in se hotele slikati še z mano. ena je vsa histerična rekla:

''oh my God. I love you, your hair, your eyes, your face, your style oh my God you're perfect!!!''

razumela sem jo in jaz bi najbrž naredila isto. neka druga je rekla:

''thank you so much for making my idol happier.'' objela sem jo in potem se je k objemu pridružil še Justin. počasi se je že večerilo in s polnimi vrečami sva šla do plaže. bilo je prelepo. 

''I want you to keep your first Paris in your memory forever.''

''I will. I promise. there's no way to forget it.'' nasmehnila sva se. potem sva šla počasi domov. ko sva prišla v avtobus, je bil avtobus prazen. zgleda, da sta šla Chaz in Ryan kam ven. šla sva v sobo in vrgla sem se na posteljo. Justin je zaprl vrata in se ulegel zraven mene. gledala sva se in nekaj časa sva bila tiho. 

''Justin.. do you know when you said to keep Paris in my mind?'' 

''yeah?''

''well.. let's do something to make it unforgettable..'' pogledal me je z vprašljivim pogledom. 

''it's a city of love, right?'' sem se zasmejala. 

''are you sure?'' pokimala sem. 

''okay'' je zašepetal. ulegel se je nad mano in me začel poljubljat. iz ustnic se je prestavil na vrat. 

''oh, oh, oh, wait!'' 

''I knew you're not so into this things..'' je rekel in se zasmejal.

''oh really?'' 

''I don't know.. are you?'' se je nasmehnil in mi pomežiknil. 

''I just wanted to warn you, the doors are unlocked..''

''oh, right..'' vstal je, šel do vrat, jih zaklenil in potem prišel nazaj k meni. in spet začel. najprej me je poljubil na usta, na vrat, na ramo. potem je šel malo nižje in mi toliko dvignil majico, da me je poljubil še na trebuh. potem mi je slekel žabe in to mu ni šlo najbolje, zato sva se začela smejati. potem je prišel nazaj do mene in začela sva se poljubljati na usta. in potem... 

vmes je nekdo hotel v sobo a ni mogel.

''we're sleeping!'' se je Justin zadrl, da je šel tisti pred vrati stran. začela sem se smejati in samo upala, da ni bila Pattie. 

potem sva končala. ležala sva v postelji z namenom, da bi počasi zaspala. 

''so, I'm not into this things, ha?''

''I was wrong, I'm sorry'' je rekel, se zasmejal in mi dal lupčka na lička. s hrbta sem se obrnila na bok, da sem ga lahko gledala. pobožal me je po ličku in jaz sem se nasmehnila.

''so, we'll remember Paris, ha?'' je rekel in zazehal. ko sem ga videla zazehati, sem mogla seveda še jaz. med zehanjem sem rekla : ''mhm'' in potem sem se ulegla bližje Justinu kot sem bila prej. objel me je, mi dal lupčka na glavo in rekel:

''I love you'' 

''I love you too'' sem mu odgovorila in potem sva zaspala. 

naslednji dan sem se zbudila, ko je bil Justin že pokonci na telefonu. 

''oh, hey baby'' 

''morning'' pretegnila sem se in pogledala k Justinu v telefon.

''what are you doing?'' 

''I'm publishing our Paris memories.'' je rekel, mi na hitro pokazal telefon, se mi nasmehnil in mi dal lupčka na čelo. potem je naprej objavljal. na vseh slikah sva se smejala, niti ene nisem našla, ko se ne bi smejala na njej. šla sem na svoj telefon na instagram, da bi videla katere slike je objavil Justin. bila je samo ena, ampak na tisti je bilo združenih več slik iz nakupovalnega centra. spet sem prebrala opis in spet me je razveselil:

Le Forum des Halles, Paris, Selly --> heaven. best time ever. thanks babe. we'll remember that Paris, ha? ;D♥

pogledala sem ga in se začela smejati. isto je naredil tudi on. potem me je poljubil. 

''do you wanna go somewhere today before the concert starts?''

''hmmm.. we could just go for a walk in town and maybe go for a coffee?'' 

''sounds perfect to me.'' 

''okay then.'' 

''okay.'' 

dala sem mu lupčka na lička in se šla preobleč. ko sem prišla preoblečena..

''you're so damn pretty again..'' 

''noo... stop talking this shiiiiit'' sem rekla, šla do njega in ga poljubila. 

''no, seriously. you are beautiful.''

''thank you.'' 

''anytime sweetheart'' nasmehnila sem se. 

''I love you''

''I love you too.''

''I know that..''

''how?''

''cause you told me that yesterday...and two days ago... and three months ago...''

''what if I'd change my mind?'' 

''you wouldn't''

''how do you know that?'' zasmejal se je.

''because...I..''

''don't worry. I didn't change my mind'' me je prekinil, ko je videl, da mi ne gre.

''that's good.'' 

nasmehnil se je in jaz tudi. še enkrat sva se poljubila in potem šla ven. prijel me je za roko in sprehajala sva se po mestu. kar nekje se je ustavil. 

''what?''

''can I please, please, please take a picture of you?''

''noo Justin'' sem se zasmejala. 

''you're always beautiful but today... you're so pretty I swear'' 

''come on... let's gooo'' sem v smehu rekla in ga potegnila za roko, ampak ni šel. 

''I'm not moving until you say I can take a picture of you.'' malo sem bila tiho. 

''alright. but only one picture, okay?'' 

''grazie!'' je rekel in me v smehu objel. vrnila sem mu nasmeh in tudi objem. potem me je slikal. 
 rada sem se slikala z drugimi ljudmi, da pa sem bila sama na sliki- to mi je bilo butasto. ko je slikal je prišel do mene in rekel:

''you can't say you're not pretty! look at this photo! you're perfect.'' 

''you're my boyfriend. you have to say that no matter how ugly I am.''

''but you truly are beautiful I swear.'' 

''let's talk about something else..''

''okay'' nekaj časa sva hodila in se pogovarjala.

''oh look! there's a coffee shop. shall we go there?'' 

''okay.'' usedla sva se in naročila čaj. daleč od naju je bilo nekaj paparacov. pomahala sva jim in se nasmehnila, naprej pa ignorirala. kmalu so odšli. potem so prišle 4 fanice. z vsemi skupaj smo se slikali in Justin se jim je podpisal. ena je dobila idejo, da sem se ji podpisala še jaz in tako sem se morala potem seveda podpisati vsem. potem so šle.

''you're already famous.'' 

''noo.. they just.. naah'' 

''you're sooo funny when you don't know what to say'' se je zasmejal in tako sem naredila tudi jaz. kmalu sva spila čaj in šla domov. ko sva prišla sva imela dovolj časa, da sva še malo počila pred koncertom.

''Selly?'' je kar naenkrat hitro prestrašen rekel. 

''yeah?''

''you'll go with me, right? you won't stay on bus?'' 

''ooh, of course I will. what did you think?''

''I don't know. but thank you.'' 

poljubila sem ga. potem sem šla na instagram in ravno sem osvežila stran, ko...

nobody can say she's not perfect. she's sooo beautiful it hurts. was the best day today. I love you forever, selly.♥

(to sliko je Justin naredil takrat v mestu, in ja, nisem vam še pokazala slike sebe, ampak to sem jaz.) 

''no you didn't!''

''I did.'' 

''whyyyyyy I hate you'' sem rekla in mu z glavo nabila v ramo. 

''did you see how many people comented that you're beautiful?'' 

''that would probably be because it's Justin Bieber's profile and Beliebers think what you think''  

''trust me. you're beautiful. and don't say any word. we finished this conversation, okay?''

''okay'' poljubil me je. 

''I'll get ready for the concert.'' 

''you don't have to change a thing. actually I beg you, stay like this. don't dress different cause I love this sweater...for meee?'' 

''okay.'' sem se zasmejala ''I won't.'' 

''thank you..'' vstal je iz postelje, mi dal lupčka na lička in se šel preobleč za koncert.