''Miss Jones, right?'' nasmehnila sem se in pokimala.
''Selly.''
''Selly. do you need anything? can I help you somehow?'' je vprašala. spet sem se nasmehnila.
''no, thank you.''
''are you sure?''
''no really. but thank you.''
''okay. can I ask you for a favour then?''
''yeah?''
''could you please sign this for my daughter Jane?'' zasmejala sem se.
''well of course!'' dala mi je list in flomaster in jaz sem ji z veseljem podpisala. zahvalila se mi je in me objela, potem pa šla. peljali smo se naprej in bila sem utrujena. zaspala sem. čez 2 uri me je stevardesa zbudila in rekla, da naj se pripravim na pristanek. oblekla sem se in se počasi pripravila, da grem končno iz letala. pristali smo in stopila sem ven. na letališču sta me čakala Sam in oči. ko sem ju videla sem spet začela jokati. tekla sem do njiju in ju objela. tudi onadva sta zajokala.
''I'm so sorry girl'' je rekel Sam in me pobožal po hrbtu med objemom. oči ni mogel reči nič. jaz tudi ne. šli smo v avto in tam sem spet zaspala. zbudila sem se šele zvečer- v postelji. Sam je sedel zraven mene.
''hey'' hotela sem ga pozdraviti ampak iz mene ni bilo nič.
''you were very tired. you became pale and you shaked so we thought it's the best if you rest a bit. '' pokimala sem. še enkrat sem ga objela.
''Sam... I have to visit Johnny's parents.. will you go with me please?''
''of course. when?''
''now.''
''okay'' oba sva se preoblekla v lepše obleke in šla do Joh... huh. Johnnyjevih staršev. prišla sva do njihovih vrat. globoko sem zavzdihnila in pozvonila. odprla je Johnnyjeva mami. jaz nisem poznala njegovih staršev. nikoli jih še nisem videla. ampak njegova mami naju je s Samom takooo lepo sprejela... odprla je vrata in bila je objokana.
''Selly? is that... you?''
''yeah.. it's me..'' sem se ji v solzah nasmehnila. prišla je do mene in me objela. potem naju je povabila notri. postregla naju je s piškoti in sokom. nekaj časa smo samo pili in jedli. potem nisem več zdržala.
''can you please..tell me what happened?'' globoko je zavzdihnila.
''you know... you saved his life for a few months. his schoolmates hated him. they called him gay and they told him to kill himself and if he doesen't do it, they will. one day he came home and say: ''mom.. can we move? everybody hates me and I wanna die right now.'' I told him that the school is gonna end soon and they will stop bothering him. but they didn't. they chased him every day, whole year. he always cried. there was so much horrible stories'' tu sem začela jokati.
''then he started to work because he thought they won't notice him anymore. he met you and the day he did, he came home so happy. he said: ''mom.. I think I found a friend''. that made me the happiest person alive. before he met you... he cut himself'' oh my God. zajokala sem še močneje.
''but he stopped because he knew that one person really understands him. and Selly. that's why I love you so much. but...'' tu je zajokala ona. ''you went on that tour with Justin. he came home and cried because he was safe with you and you left. and.. and just... people saw he was alone again and they started all over again. gay, faggot, idiot, kill yourself. it was so awful. he started to cut again. and... yesterday he came home and said... they stopped him at the way home and they beat him. he had a broken arm and his face was.. bleading. I wanted to go to a doctor but he said no. then today'' tu je hlipala in se drla. ''I wanted to go to work and I went to garage... and when I wanted to open my car I... I found him... he was sitting on the chair with a bleading head. he had a gun in his arms and then I realized... he was'' prijela se je za glavo in zahlipala. ''he was gone'' ko je končala sem padla na tla. začela sem jokati in zdaj nisem mogla nehati. tudi Sam je spet zajokal. šel je do mene in me poskušal pomiriti, ampak mu ni uspelo. tresla sem se in sploh se nisem mogla nadzorovati. hlipala sem tako, da me sigurno nihče ni razumel.
''I hate myself. I shouldn't go on that stupid tour. no. no! NO! I killed one of my bestfriends because I wanted to be with Justin. I will never forgive myself''
''nooo. baby it's not your fault. you didn't know, Johnny never told you about his past. please don't think it's your fault'' je jokala in me objela.
''where's his dad?''
''he left us when Sam was 10. he wanted to get away from him.. so... he left''
''yeah.. same for our mom..'' še vedno nisem mogla nehati jokati. nekaj časa smo bili tiho in smo hlipali.
''Selly. the funural is in three days. I want you to be there, okay?''
''of course.''
''okay. now go home and rest'' šli smo do vrat in Johnnyjeva mama me je objela.
''I love you. thanks for being there when Johnny needed you'' pokimala sem in si obrisala solze. potem smo se poslovili in s Samom sva šla domov. ko sem prišla v hišo sem se zaklenila v sobo. hotela sem poklicati Justina. vklopila sem telefon in imela sem 17 neodgovorjenih klicev. vsi od Justina. fuck. hitro sem ga poklicala.
''Selly! oh my God, finaly! are you okay?''
''I'm so sorry. Sam said that I was so tired at the airport that I fell asleep and I slept till two hours ago. and then I had to visit Johnny's mom..'' nekaj časa je bil tiho.
''how did it go?''
''that was just... awful. I hate myself..''
''don't..'' me je prekinil. ''..talk like this''
''it's serious Justin''
''you'll tell me everything when I come home, okay? I don't want you to get a huge phone bill.''
''okay.''
''Selly?''
''yeah?''
''promise me something''
''what?''
''promise me you'll be okay. I want you to calm down. okay?'' zavzdihnila sem s tresočim glasom (posledica joka)
''sweetie?''
''I promise.''
''pinky promise?''
''I said I promise, Justin!'' bil je tiho. zavzdihnila sem.
''I'm sorry..''
''no, I'm sorry. ughhh I'm so..''
''no. don't worry'' me je prekinil. ''it's okay. I understand you're sad.''
''it's not okay. because nothing is your fault but I yell at you anyway. I'm so sorry.''
''don't be. it's okay. I'm just so sorry I'm not there with you.''
''me too. I miss you already''
''I miss you too. I love you baby''
''I love you too. I can't wait to see you''
''me neither.'' potem sva bila nekaj časa tiho. premišljevala sem o Justinu.
''let's end now, Selly. we'll talk tomorrow, okay?''
''okay''
''bye shawty''
''bye Justin. say hi to Bieber team, okay?''
''and you say hi to your family''
''I will. byee''
''bye sweetie'' prekinila sem. telefon sem vrgla na posteljo. pogledala sem na nočno omarico, kjer je bila ta slika:
slikala sem ju, ko so bili na obisku Jeremy, Jaxon in Jazzy. pobožala sem sliko in nisem se je mogla nagledati. kako bom pogrešala Justina do božiča. ta nasmeh, to toplino, ko me objame. ne no. :(
ulegla sem se v posteljo in še vedno gledala v sliko. dobila sem sms od Justina.
I just saw your picture on my bedside table(nočna omarica) and now I can't stop watching it. you're just so beautiful ♥
you won't believe me but I'm doing just the same thing. that's just the most beautiful pic on the world:) I love you. goodnight superman♥
I think the same about yours. nigh' night babe♥
telefon sem položila na nočno omarico zraven slike in potem zaspala.
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