54.del

zjutraj me je zbudilo močno sonce. pogledala sem naokoli in videla Jade, ki je bila že zbujena. sedela je na stolu pri mizi in bila na računalniku. šla sem do nje in pogledala kaj dela. bila je na twitterju. gledala je, kaj so mi še Belieberke objavljale.

I've got license to kill. and I'll spend it on you. :)

don't you ever touch justin again!!!!

you're ugly bitchhh

go somewhere and f yourself!

žalostno sem pogledala Jade in ona je mene.

''don't take it seriously.''

''yeah, good try, Jade.'' sem ji odvrnila in se ulegla nazaj na posteljo.

''you know what hurts the most?''

''what?''

''I can't be one of them again. I can't be that... Belieber  I was before. oh gosh... I still love his music and he's still the best idol on the world, but I can't just be like I was before, right? I mean if I would still...''

''stop talking shit already! you two can't live without eachother and I know you are gonna get back together.''

žalostno sem pogledala v tla in spustila solzo. komaj, da se me je kaj slišalo sem rekla:

''I wish..''

''what? I didn't understand''

''I think it's over. forever.'' sem zahlipala in se spet zjokala.

''don't think like that. everything's gonna be alright.''

objela me je. potem sem dobila sporočilo od Harryja.

heeey Sellyy! let's go to the beach? :)

''what should I reply?''

''go with him. he's trying to be your friend and he wants to confort you.'' je rekla in se mi nasmehnila.

yeah, okay. let's go.  <---  sem mu odpisala.

at 1 p.m.?

deal.

deal.

poslovila sem se od Jade in šla domov. preoblekla sem se, pojedla kosilo in potem sem počasi morala iti na plažo. tam me je že čakal Harry. pozdravil me je in potem sva šla do sladoleda.

''you're still not cool, ha?'' je ugotovil. naredila sem tist fake nasmešek.

''don't worry. it's gonna be okay.''

''thanks.''

''hey Selly?'' je rekel po nekem času.

''yeah?''

pogledal me je in se mi nasmehnil.

''nothing. forget it.''

''okay'' sem rekla in se zasmejala. potem sva šla do morja in se tam sprehajala in se smejala. Harry je bil v redu. bil je dober prijatelj in vedno, ko sem ga videla me je spravil v dobro voljo. mogoče zdaj govorim kot da mi je všeč ampak nikoli v miljardi let mi ne bi bil. rada sem ga imela kot prijatelja in nič drugega.
ko sva pojedla sladoled sva se usedla na topel pesek. veliko sva se pogovarjala in potem..

''Selly?''

''yeah?''

''here's what I wanted to tell you before.'' (tukaj si začni predvajati http://youtu.be/wZOxAK1hfbY- boljše vzdušje in lepše je ko bereš. (: )

prijel me je in me poljubil. hotela sem se odmakniti, ampak me najprej ni izpustil. potem je videl, da nočem tega in končno sem se lahko odlepila od njegovih ustnic. vstala sem s tal in takoj zavpila:

''HARRY!''

''I'm so sorry, but I can't help my feelings to you Selly. I love you.''

''NO! NO YOU DON'T! Harry I don't love you and you shouldn't do this!!''

začela sem teči proti domu on pa me je klical nazaj. seveda sem ga ignorirala in šla naprej. gledala sem v tla in jokala. naenkrat sem v tleh zagledala senco. zaletela sem se v nekoga. prestrašeno sem ga pogledala. bil je. Justin. pogledal me je in razočarano rekel:

''and you say I'm the one who kisses another.'' potem me je prijel in me na rahlo odmaknil stran z njegove poti, da je žalostno šel naprej. hodil je hitro. jokala sem in tekla za njim.

''Justin! stop please'' sem jokala in klicala za njim. končno sem ga dohitela in se postavila predenj.

''he kissed me I swear to God, he kissed me.'' sem rekla in solze so dobesedno lile z mene.

''yeah right.'' je rekel in hodil naprej brez, da bi mi namenil pogled.

''Justin please, listen to me!''  ko sem to rekla se je ustavil in me pogledal.

''like you listened to me, right? it's over Selly.'' potem je šel naprej. ustavila sem se in v obupu gledala za njim. zdrla sem se na kolena in še bolj zajokala. zdaj je on rekel, da je konec. zdaj mi ne bo več opravičil. zdaj JE konec. pobrala sem se in tekla domov. prišla sem v sobo in zagrnila rolete na oknih, da sonce ni prišlo skozi. luči sem imela ugašjene in v sobi je bila več ali manj čista tema. telefon sem čisto ugasnila in ga vrgla v kot. na slušalke sem dala tisto pesem, ki jo zdaj poslušaš.
ta pesem se mi je cel čas predvajala. jokala sem in spala. tri dni skupaj. bilo mi je vseeno za vse- kdo me rabi, zakaj me rabi, kako je pomembno. moje življenje ni imelo več smisla brez Justina. prejokala sem toliko, da sem imela res ogromne podočnjake, ampak kaj me briga. nikoli več ne bom videla Justina in to je tako bolelo, da ne morem povedati. čez tri dni sem spet spustila svetlobo v svojo sobo in prižgala sem telefon. 7 sporočil in 3 zgrešeni klici. vse od iste neznane številke. sporočil se mi ni ljubilo brat in sem vse po vrsti brisala. hotela sem vrniti klic, a me je že prej še enkrat poklical. dvignila sem.

''yeah?''

''hey, Selly!''

''who is it?''

''Niall. Niall from One Direction.''

''hey.''

''hi. are you okay?''

''I don't even know what okay is anymore.''

''I'll tell you.''

''tell me. I wanna hear that.''

''Justin.''

nekaj časa sem bila tiho.

''Selly? are you there?''

''yeah, I am.''

''did you hear me?''

''of course, I'm not deaf.''

''Justin is okay. no. he's better than okay. and you too. and you should listen to me now.''

''I'm listening.'' sem spet zahlipala.

''stop crying. please.'' bil je takooo prijazen.

''I'm not.'' sem se zlagala.

''Harry told me. he liked you from the beggining and the party was the perfect plan for him. he lied to you to get you.'' začela sem jokat.

''and nothing is Justins' fault. he didn't kiss Selena, cause she wasn't even there, at the party.''

hotela sem mu odgovorit ampak ni nič prišlo iz mene.

''Selly?''

''I'm here.'' sem zašepetala.

''and then he said he's really, really, really sorry to break both of you. and believe me, I know when he's sorry and he really is sorry. he cried. and not because he still loves you, but because he is sorry. and Justin? me and Chaz were with him last night. Chaz said he was never that down before. he cried like a... 3 years old kid. he really loves y...''

''but he said it's over!'' sem hripavo zavpila.

''in his language this means: I love you so much, I can't live without you. we can't end now.''

zajokala sem še bolj.

''yesterday night, when I was at his house, he said that when he saw you kissing with Harry, he wanted to...''
malo se je ustavil, zavzdihnil in nadaljeval.

''he wanted to die, because he thought that you're with Harry now and that you didn't want him anymore.''

''Niall, you know I would never love anyone but Justin?''

''I know. but he doesen't. you have to tell him.''

''but how?''

''you'll have to figure it out by yourself. it'll work in any way cause he's crazy for you.''

''Niall?''

''yeah?''

''don't get me wrong, but I love you.''

''me too.''

''thank you so much.''

''anytime. good luck Selly.''

''thanks.''

''bye.''

''bye.''

ko sem odložila telefon, sem se takoj preoblekla v lepše cunje. odločila sem se, da se ne bom cele poletne počitnice valjala po postelji, ampak si bom posikala delo. šla sem na plažo do stojnice s sladoledom in tam vprašala, če rabijo pomoč čez poletje. šef na tisti stojnici je bil Samov zelo dober prijatelj in seveda mi je takoj našel prosto mesto. naslednji dan naj bi začela. šla sem nazaj domov in se hotela pomiriti. ulegla sem se na posteljo in prespala do naslednjega dneva.