34.del

zjutraj, ko sem se zbudila, je ob meni sedela Jade. oči je pripravljal pogreb za babico, zato ga spet ni bilo doma. nisem vam še povedala, ampak moj oče je bil babičin edini sin, zato sta mogla on in njegova edina sestrična pripraviti vse za pogreb. 

''hey.'' je rekla in se nasmehnila. ''how are you?'' 

''I'm..I'm okay..'' sem ji odgovorila.

''liar..'' je rekla in se začela smejati. nasmehnila sem se. 

''you know he regrets too?'' me je vprašala. pogledala sem v tla. žalostno sem odkimala.

''no.. I think he doesen't..'' sem rekla in se zjokala.

''oh hunn, don't cry.. I swear he does. look.'' me je potolažila in objela, potem pa mi je pokazala sporočila na njenem telefonu.

please, she won't ever listen to me. tell her I love her and I always will no mather what.

you broke her heart buddy... I know her very good and I think she won't be okay for a while..

I need to get a chance to tell her what an asshole I am...

well if you'll tell her that you certainly won't get another chance.

you think I would only say that?

you'll have to try very hard to get her back.

I will. I swear. I only have to get the chance to fix my mistake.

she's my bestfriend. you brake her once, I kill you twice.

..but?

but I know she loves you so much and she wants you back. that's why I wont kill you. but you're an exception. 

yeah. and I'm the only one. it will be only me, no one else in her life. I'll do that so.

I'm with you because I never saw her so happy as she was happy with you. but you'll really have to try hard.

I will, I swear. I love her. She's the most important person in my life. I'll get her back. thanks Jade:)

ko sem vse prebrala sem začela še bolj jokati. Jade me je objela.

''why are you crying? he loves you and he ment nothing with Selena.''

''I miss him. I miss us. I want him back. but I don't know...I mean even if we get back together, what if he will do this to me again?''

''then he will have to deal with me.'' je rekla in se mi nasmehnila. v solzah sem  ji vrnila nasmeh. potem sva bili na računalniku in se pogovarjali. jedli sva čokolado.

''call him babe.'' je rekla.

''no! why me? I mean he screwed up, I don't have to apologize or something. he does.''

''I know, but he needs a chance to say sorry.''

''he better find one.'' sem rekla in smejali sva se. potem sem dobila sporočilo od Chaza. 

Hey Selly, do you wanna hang out today? just as friends? :)

omg..nisem vedela kaj naj naredim. zaradi Justina nisem hotela izgubiti še Chaza in Ryana sploh pa ne Pattie.

Okay, where do we meet?

at Justins' house. then we will go somewhere okay? omg ne, samo ne k Justinu.

okay...

okay, meet you there at 7.pm:) bilo me je takoo strah. z Jade sva pripravile nekaj za obleči. oblekla sem kar kaže na sliki.

bila sem živčna. upala sem, da na koncu večera ne bom preživela Chazom ampak z Justinom, ampak sem vedela, da to ne bo šlo. ura je bila že sedem in zamujala sem. Jade me je tja odpeljala s svojim skuterjem in potem sem šla. tresla sem se od strahu. nisem hotela biti z njim zunaj, saj bi se lahko kaj zgodilo, jaz pa še vedno ljubim Justina. prišla sem do vhodnih vrat in tam zagledala Chaza. 

''oh, hey Selly, you're late.'' je rekel in se nasmehnil. 

''hey..yeah I know, I'm sorry.'' sem odgovorila.

''ehh..don't worry.'' je rekel. nasmehnila sem se mu, ampak naredila tisti 'fakesmile'. potem sva šla do plaže in se tam sprehajala. bilo je romantično, ampak jaz tega nisem hotela.

''so did you get over with Justin?'' takoj se mi je zbrisal nasmeh z obraza in pogledala sem v tla.

''I guess that would be a no..'' je rekel in še naprej sva hodila. več ali manj časa sva bila tiho. ok, to je bilo takooooooo bedno. veliko raje bi se z glavo zabijala v zid. potem sva prišla nazaj do Justinove hiše.

''do you still love him?'' je vprašal. ughhhh bil je takoo nadležen.

''yeah Chaz, I do. I still love him.'' sem rekla čimbolj očitno. žalostno je pogledal in bil nekaj časa tiho.

''you know, Selly, no mather if you love anybody else, I really like you *oh, like I don't know yet-.-* and I always will.''

''Chaz, I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same. you know I love Justin so please stop doing that.'' 

samo pokimal je s tistim pogledom *yeah, you're right*. potem me je pogledal, jaz pa sem gledala v vrata za njim. potem me je prijel in poljubil. takoj sem se odstranila.

''Chaz?? what are you doing?? I told you I don't feel the same and you know I'm down right now! but you made it even more complicated.'' sem rekla in skoraj začela jokati. takrat so se vhodna vrata odpirala in na hitro sem videla, da je ven prihajal Justin, zato sem hitro stekla stran. tokrat ne zaradi sebe, nisem hotela, da bi se Justin in Chaz skregala zaradi mene. 

''Wait! Selly!'' je zaklical za mano. ja, bravo, super Chaz, zdaj Justin ve, da sva bila skupaj. Čestitke.

*JUSTINOVO RAZMIŠLJANJE*

slišal sem, da se je nekdo drl na Chaza, zato sem šel ven pogledat kaj se dogaja. punca je stekla stran v trenutku, ko sem stopil ven.

''Wait! Selly!'' je zaklical Chaz. 

''Selly was here??'' sem vprašal Chaza. videti je bil razburjen.

''ya, she was.'' je rekel in razburjeno šel nazaj v hišo. tekel sem za njim in ga vprašal:

''what did you do to her? why did she run away and why did she cry?'' bil je tiho.

''what did you do, Chaz?'' sem rekel malo glasneje.

''if I tell you, you won't talk to me anymore..''

''I won't either if you don't tell me.''

''I asked her out.'' je začel. prijel sem se za glavo. 

''why? why, Chaz? you know I want her back and now you ask her out and made it even worst. and you're my bestfriend.'' 

bil je tiho.

''did you kiss her?'' sem ga vprašal in bil je tiho.

''did you??'' 

''yeah I did.'' me je skorajda prekinil.

''thanks man.''  sem rekel potem pa tekel za Selly. 

''it was you who made a mistake!'' je še rekel. ignoriral sem ga, a bilo je res.

*konec Justinovega razmišljanja*

tekla sem in jokala. tokrat me ni zbil avto, sem pa se spotaknila in padla v neko grmovje. nisem mogla nič, zato sem kar sedela tam in jokala. potem pa sem slišala Justinov glas.

''Sell? I know you're somewhere here, I know you didn't go home..'' še bolj sem začela jokati in Justin me je slišal. pogledal je za grmovje in me videl.

''oh gosh, Selly? are you okay?'' je vprašal in pokleknil zraven mene. začel mi je brisati solze potem pa me je objel. 

''shhhh, stop crying... tell me, what happened?'' je vprašal.

''stop pretending you don't know. you saw everything.''

''no I didn't...but yeah Chaz told me. I'm sorry..''

''why are you sorry? I'm so...''

''none of us should be sorry...I mean yeah, I should be and I am sorry about Selena and stuff.. but you shouldn't be, it's not your fault if Chaz kissed you... unless if you feel sorry for tasting his...''

je rekel in se ustavil. začel se je smejati.

''eww Justin.'' sem rekla in se zasmejala. smeje me je gledal. bila sem tako vesela, ko sem bila spet v njegovi bližini.

''Sel?'' vprašal me je še vedno z nasmehom na obrazu.

''I wanna be friends with you...if we can't do it anymore, at least...'' in takrat se mu je nasmeh zbrisal. roko sem dala na obraz.

''what? what is it?'' je vprašal.

''I don't think I can handle it Justin.'' sem rekla potiho in začela jokati.

''please...I don't wanna lose you. even if we're not together anymore, I wish a piece of you...''

potem je bil tiho.

''you shouldn't done that.'' sem zašepetala, saj glasneje nisem mogla, ker sem toliko že prejokala. še zdaj sem začela jokat.

''I kn...'' začel je hlipati. ''I know.''

''If you wouldn't do that, everything would be okay... and you wouldn't have only a piece of me...you would have the whole me..''

sem rekla in spet zajokala.

''I know...I'm so sorry.'' zdaj ni mogel več zadržati solz. 

''I was such a jerk. I really shouldn't kiss Selena.'' je zajokal. ''I hope you'll ever forgive me...'' samo hlipala sem. potem me je objel. pomirila sem se. objemal me je zelo dolgo in takrat je bilo najlepše. a takrat je tudi najbolj bolelo. tudi on se je pomiril in nehal jokati. potem se je odstranil in mi obrisal solze. prijel me je za lica.

''I still love you Selly.'' je rekel in oči so se mu spet zarosile. pokimala sem in potočila solzo, ki mi jo je takoj obrisal.

''can we please, please, please be friends?'' je hripavo vprašal.

''ye...'' zalomila sem se, nisem več mogla govoriti, zato sem samo prikimala. spet me je objel.

''can I walk you to your house?'' je vprašal.

''yes...you can.'' sem rekla in oba sva se nasmehnila.